Monday, June 24, 2013

Q & A.... Why don't you go to church anymore??

This is a question that comes up a lot... 

Amy, what's the story? Why don't you go to church?

So I thought.. what a great topic to write about!

Why don't I go to church?

Well for one, I don't say the word, "never" anymore..as I have learned life changes and so does my mind. lol! I actually am not going to church now, but might go back one day.
I really don't know tho.

I am going to answer this question as open hearted and raw as I can because I know many people are concerned or are just wondering... and I appreciate that. I know you love me, and want the best for me... and for that I am so honored. Thankyou for your love and your understanding in this season of my life. I only hope you find the same love and understanding from my heart to yours. This is a very vulnerable post, as I have had critical and some very hurtful words thrown at me in this process. So here goes. (gulp)

To answer the question, being raised in church and in my family of origin, it came to my attention in my healing process that I have never believed what I believe because I chose to.
I was never allowed the glorious freedom of asking the question, "Why?" about anything.

In my family, you couldn't question any of the rules in the house, my father, religion, not anything.
And being a child that wanted to be loved and deeply needed connection, I never questioned.
It was never a good outcome when any of my siblings questioned, so I just didn't.
I swallowed everything that was taught to me, and just put it on myself and believed it.
To question why about anything was so deeply buried inside of me that it never even came into my external radar to want to or desire to ask that question.

I was told who I was, what my calling and purpose in life was, who God was and wasn't, what was right and what was wrong...everything was told to me. There was no discovery of these things.

Until one day, in the midst of an intense time of counseling and healing, I had a revelation that I had never owned my life and my beliefs. I had always done what I was told, but never knew who I was or what my purpose out of self discovery with God. I had worked out a lot of my story in counseling and in the healing process walked into a lot of freedom inside, and there it was...for the first time in my life, underneath all the wounds and all the layers of roles and obligations...the questions.

~ Who am I?
~ What do I believe?
~ Who is God?
~ Why?

There they all were... and you know what, fear was present, but God was bigger then the fear.
He held out His hand, and said, " Let's go. I want you to find out who you are, what you believe, who I Am, and all the why questions. Don't be afraid. I have you."
And away I went.
I have researched and studied...read and prayed. Hashed and cried. Gone from one side of the pend-ilium to the other...from one extreme to another.
It was as if God took off everything that had been put on me by people.. people who loved me and where doing the very best they knew how to do... but He took everything off and said.. " Try things on. See how they fit? Is it peaceful? Is it agitating? See what fits you, love. Don't be afraid. I am with you."
And so I have.
And I have lost my fear.
I have lost my shame.
And I am finding out who I am, and discovering what I believe, and why.

One of the things I chose to stop doing was to go to church. I was fine in it for awhile, but then I noticed that going to church was like wearing a coat that somebody else had put on me. It was something that had to go, until I wanted and desired to go on my own choosing.
I learned that church is another name for community.
That whether I go to church or not, it in no way hinders my connection to God. He loves me whether I go or not.
I have learned that I had been taught things about going to church that do not line up with scripture... and I was taught that they did.
I have learned that church/community is a gift FOR me, not a requirement to God in connection with Him being please with me or not. 
I have learned that whatever brings life to my heart, is the community I need to connect to. 
But to be honest, I haven't missed going to church for a very long time... I felt so fat and full of truths that I had never lived and given away. It has felt so good to just abide in all that I know to be true and give it away to the world. 
I am just now coming to a place where I think I could go again, but it would have to be a very special community.
But you see, I have discovered that on my own. It was a decision that God wanted me to make on my own, not because anybody told me to...but of my own choice.

God has restored something to me that is very hard to explain to people because it doesn't fit inside their theology and doctrine...especially those who are locked into a doctrine that says everything that God does has to line up with something that happened in scripture.
I don't believe that anymore.

God can do whatever He wants. He can lead a million people through a raging sea, and He can talk to a man through the lips of a donkey. He can lead a man and his wife out of a community that they knew, promise them a son in their aged years and lead him into the wild so that the man could know Yahweh, the one true God.

NONE of that was ever written in scripture before it happened. All of those people had no writings to compare their experience to. They just experienced God in their every day life. And it all happened and it was God...we forget that part, don't we? 

Just as He has lead me out of a community that I knew, into the wild with Him. I have come to know God as Yahweh, my Creator, my Healer, and my Love. I know His voice, and I am in partnership with Him as He walks me. It hasn't been an easy road at all. But it's been forever life changing.
He has healed me. He has given me back my voice. My choice. And I can say I believe what I believe because it's what I have found to be true through experiencing God and my own hashing in life.

He whispers to me a lot in my life.. "Does it fit you, love? How does it feel in your heart/spirit?  Does this activity, place, person, behavior bring you life? Does it serve you?"

See.. that is the kind of Papa, Creator, and God that is leading me. One that brings life and life to the fullest. One that cares for the whole of my being.. spirit, mind and body.
One that is unconventional and completely wild and unpredictable in how He leads each individual.

One that has given me the greatest gift of love... my voice, self discovery and choice.

I hope that answers that question for you.

Walking all of this out, I have learned to stop judging other's journeys with God.. they don't have to match mine or anybody else's for that matter. 

And I am perfectly peaceful if you don't agree with all of this. It's ok. It really is. I have come to the great realization that I can't make everybody ok with my life and how this journey looks with God.
I know God has me, and I know what I have experienced with Him in my journey. It's ok. You don't have to agree, I just wanted to answer the question for you.

God has me and God has you... and we can all trust that.

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.. I am a open book. I welcome the conversation.

Thankyou for your love and for your friendship. xo

Much love...

Amy

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Rambling bits of rawness.

Hi loves.. just have been wanting to write, but not knowing even where to start..but here goes. I am just jumping in.

After my last trip to Arizona, a second interview for a job and looking at rentals, I returned to my house in Colorado with a profound and deep sadness.

It's a sadness that is weary, grief and tiredness all wrapped into one.

June has been really intense.

I don't want to move to Arizona, but I love my daughter.
I have never ever been in a space of such polar opposite emotions.
Letting a dream go, and grieving that dream while stepping into and making plans for a different dream and reality.
Grateful for some forward motion, but sad that the new state is coming and the old is passing away.
Puzzle pieces swirling around over my head... opportunities, jobs, homes... forming pictures and then swirling again.

...

I was just having a conversation with my sister tonite, and I was sharing with her some areas I have been choosing to walk in more integrity in..and one of those areas is when I want to check out on life.

I am starting to believe that every season we are in has a lesson to be learned for our good and for the next season of our journey...and God's heart is so that if in one season we don't grasp the lesson, life comes back around and we find our self in a bit of a de ja vu to a season we have been in before. Or it's a life situation that pulls on all the things that another life situation had pulled on.

Something that I did last summer, while we were waiting for pieces to fall together to get to the city we needed to be in, was I checked out.
It's a way of getting lost in a story when I don't like my own.
Through books, movies, t.v. series..
Life got intense last summer.. I had my kids all by myself, in my brother's house, with a sister in law that was in a really hard space in her life, trying to stay small and invisible in their midst as to not put more stress on them, waiting for my hub to get a job, money running out, the clock was ticking.. we needed to move down to another city before the kid's started school.
It was intense if you remember.
I didn't like my story very much and so I jumped into other stories.
Realizing the repercussions of this later..one being that my daughter needed me to help her process, but instead I hid behind a book and checked out on my life.

Oh I was there.. functioning in my roles...but not present at all.

Fast forward to now.
Same situation just in reverse with some grief, relief and sorrow thrown in.
My ego is longing for a distraction... another story to jump into, but I have come into the realization that there are so many things that I need to learn...gifts and gems to discover along the way, inside the intensity of longing, grieving, letting go, hoping, dreaming, stepping towards, waiting, trusting, surrender, and staying intentionally open hearted.
So my intention is set to awareness and being present.
I am not saying that loving other's stories is wrong, or that enjoying the indulgence of that is wrong. It's something more then that for me in this space.. and I have to tell you.. I do not want to come around this mountain again.
It's a doozy.
And I want to see and grasp all that God has for me inside this season. I want to move forward from it.
There has been some sugar involved at times.. but no checking out or prolonged numbing.
Integrity is a word that keeps coming up and for me, in this space, integrity in life is me showing up each day and choosing to trust that know matter what happens, God has the good of my family and myself at the heart of this next season we are stepping into.

So it's all just right here on my chest. I cry all the time. The smallest little something will tilt me into a sob fest. I am good in the midst just really raw.

My most difficult day was this past week... I went to Arizona for the 3rd time for a 2nd job interview. A job that I reeeeally want. I did stay for a week to enjoy some time with family and friends. Went and looked at some houses. A home jumped up that is in the exact neighborhood and has the exact floor plan to our old beloved house. Ran into snags with scheduling to see the inside of the house. Gah. Frustrating. (more waiting)

I noticed on my way back a sadness had settled in. I had gotten some confusing news back from the job I had interviewed for. Not bad news, but just a " we are holding for a bit for the 3rd interview until we get blah blah blah in order" kind of news. (more waiting).. and I could feel this 'give up' want to happen inside. Not surrender but give up.
I was so tired when I got home. Work was intense from the get go. I would wake up tired...go to work and come home tired... sleep.. and then go to bed early exhausted.
This happened all last week.

A thought came gently breezing in a couple days ago that right after a intense week of emotion, breakthrough always comes.  That brought me peace, because it's so true.

So, loves... still waiting.

My hubby just called (he is in AZ for a school program interview) and he was able to walk through that house that we loved in our old beloved neighborhood. He said it was weird to be walking through a house that was identical to our old house. He said he didn't know if he liked it. That's interesting. lol!
And I am still waiting to hear back from that job on when I can come for my last interview.
We are set to move back to Arizona the 3rd week in July at the latest...sooner if I am hired by the company I am interviewing for.

So I have been comforting myself intentionally this week. Just some self love like going to the mountains and spending some time at a gorgeous creek that we frequented so much last year. Stayed with my brother and sister in law, who are amazing and wonderful. We stayed up late and drank wine and laughed and I cried and they listened.
I called my sister on the way home and we laughed and talked about everything. I gave myself the gift of sleep, instead of fighting the tiredness, I went to bed and napped a lot this past week. I also did my nails and bought myself some makeup. I colored my hair and got up on my days off and got my most fun clothes on and put my makeup on.
I stayed present and have really tried not to be grumpy to my kids, and get out with them to burn off some of their energy. I took them to their favorite pet store..we swim, and play. I encourage myself everyday by doing something that sets my intention and centers me..be it music, inspirational books, quotes, poems, conversations with life giving people, youtube videos...whatever I can find to encourage myself, I do it.
I have been reading, but not story books. More spiritual and self help kind of books. They encourage me, but I don't get lost in them. I take care of my home and plan meals. Love my hubby and babes and life goes forward. 

I am ok tho... despite the unknowns of today, I am really ok.

Rain said something recently over a text conversation we were having and I thought about it this week... it was just a simple comment about being in a season that required her to be careful with where she asserts her energy. This week I thought about that and thought,  " yep. that's what I am doing too."  There is a sense of protectiveness over my energy. I feel an abundant amount is going to staying present, loving my family and working, feeling my emotions and planning for the future. So my blog reading is sparce.. I get overwhelmed easily and say no to a lot these days. I don't return a lot of phone calls unless they are to people that I don't have to catch up on life. I don't counsel people in drama. I hang out with people that bring life and aren't life suckers.
Conserve and selective with my energy and resources is so key to life right now.
It won't forever be this way.
I so get what she was saying.

I want to gather the gifts of this season, and there are so many.
That is my intention. That is my gauge.
God, awaken me to the gifts and the treasures of wisdom that are hidden in this season.

so. that is a bit of what is going on. I miss you, loves.

Let me know how you are doing? Sending you love and light tonite... xoxoxo

Amy

Friday, April 5, 2013

Waiting. Dreaming. and Letting Go.



So.

The past couple weeks have been dooooozy weeks for this girl.

"Why?", you ask.

Oh just this de ja vu season of waiting that feels identical to last years waiting season.

One season was waiting to come from Arizona to Colorado... then when we were in Colorado, it was waiting to get to the city we wanted to live in.

aaaand, now it's waiting for all the pieces to come together to move from Colorado back to Arizona.

It's pretty wild actually?

I am ok in it tho...just really really having to be purposeful about staying centered, and not letting my head run away screaming and pulling my hair out.

Unknowns are really interesting.

Maybe you too are in a season of unknowns... a season where all these little pieces are floating around in the air, and your heart is full of desire for them to fall in certain ways...yet, you also are wanting to stay open to whatever the Universe might want to bring as well.

That is the space.

I will share more with you about the details of everything, but for now I am holding things close to my heart.
I feel at times, when these types of desires are present, and life is beginning to line up with them, speaking them too soon sends something out. I am not sure what it is, but I feel good just keeping them close to me for now.

But what I wanted to share, especially now that I am smack dab in the middle of this "unknown/waiting" season, is this space of balance. being right smack dab in the middle where peace resides.
It's really wild... and I am there this morning... not looking at a whole lot in life or the pieces that floating around, just here. present. in this moment with you writing about this.
It's delicate.
It's intense.

I had a bit of a 'ah ha' moment last night that has helped me so much, but taking something that I find I HAVE to do is time to make moments of stillness and being have been HUGE on the daily agenda. Journaling a LOT. Stillness and breathing a LOT.
If I check out for too long, in a tv show or online, my center disappears  And my ego/head start running the opposite direction, pulling my hair out. I know that's a terrible description . ha, but seriously it wants to throw a huge fit, saying, "why why why do I deserve this?", scream and throw itself on the floor, cry and cry and not go with the flow of life AT all. Yeah... so it's not pretty. I have run off with it, and it has taken a lot to get back to center.
My center is peace and letting go. Abiding here is where I want to be. Again, I feel it's a space where I am having to be intentional with gently guiding my ego/head back to... I shush it a lot, like a mother shushes a baby.... When worry thoughts come, I just choose a new thought about surrender and trust, and breathe gently and here. I am. (breathe out)

So my ' ah ha ' I wanted to share with you is about desire and longing inside a season of waiting.

Something I feel pulled towards and encouraged to do is dream.. dream from the desires in my heart. Dream awake. Watch the dreams that are in my heart unfold in my mind by using my imagination. What will it look like when I get this call and that invitation? Play it all out.
The past two weeks when I have been doing this, anxiety becomes present. And no matter what I do, the anxiety does not let up.
Fear rises up and brings the tension and the agitation of, " Why are you doing that? What if it doesn't happen and your heart is in this space of believing that this dream will actually happen? You are going to be wide open to let down and disappointment. No don't do it."
When the fear arises, the anxiety is present. There is tightness. I can't breathe anymore. My ego/head wants to run away screaming..eh you get the idea.

Last night, I had taken time to meditate that morning, journaled the night before.. I was washing the dishes and there it was. It came. A solution.
The epiphany is that I Am to dream and let it all play out as my heart desires for it to play out, while I keep my hands open and don't clench them around the dreams.
Does that make sense?
There is also inside the dreaming and desires a open handedness and a letting go. Letting what unfolds in the natural unfold as it will. Will there be emotions? Yes. Will there be vulnerability? Yes. But it's ok. I am safe. I can handle the emotions that come when they come, should they come, whatever they might be.

This all landed inside of me with wet hands and soapy dishes.
I had to run up to my room, rehearsing what was just placed in my heart quickly.. because I could feel it wanting to float away...it wasn't solid in me yet. Have you ever had that happen??
I find that I need to write it down. So I can see it, read it over and over again, let it's settle inside me.

So that is what I did... I quick dried my hands, ran upstairs and grabbed my journal, and wrote it all out.
Then this overwhelming cry from within came..  " Help me. Please help me with this."
In my personality, I am so passionate about things... so passionate about what I know in my heart, that to even think it won't happen feels devastating. Dreaming feels VERY vulnerable for me because of my passionate disposition. This is a whole new area for me...to actually let myself dream.

A whisper came back... " Trust. Surrender."

I just wanted to take some time before headed out to work to share this with you. Sorry for the typos. ;)

I know if I am walking this out right now, then somebody else is too. May this bring your heart life and encouragement knowing you are not alone.

Grace and peace to you today..

xo
Amy

Sunday, March 31, 2013

What this Easter means to me.. April 2013




Good morning to you this light filled Easter morning :)

Read this post by Called to Question... http://calledtoquestion.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-croodsifiction.html and was reminded of so much this morning.

I am so reminded of this gorgeous gift called freedom.
I love it so very much.
Freedom live free in the wild...outside of any cages or mindsets.
Completely wild and free, outside of the walls of religion in the wide blue open.
Following the magnificence of God's presence that dwells inside my heart.
Lover of the Light.
Being lead to food and water when I need it.
Enjoying the wholeness that continues to come to my mind and soul.

Resurrection is the word used for this day.

And I definitely FEEL resurrected.

Tho I will not be attending a service this morning.. and I don't quite know what to do with Jesus these days.
I have been thinking about Him.
The beauty and truth He brought to the earth.
The unconditional love He showed to all who's paths He crossed.
His life, death and resurrection speak to me of so much.

Jesus was so real to me as a child. He was the part of God that was safe to me.
Jesus signified the kindness, compassion and unconditional love of God. 
He truly was one of my best friends. 
I remember many times singing to Him, dancing for Him, talking to Him...longing for Him to see me and find pleasure and delight in me.
I always felt that He did.
I so appreciate that gift from God, even tho today, I am still hashing out my thoughts on this person called Jesus. 
I love that I felt seen by Him, and therefore seen by God.

Our Easter weekend this year has been one that has been the most freedom filled. No obligations or traditions outside of the one's we are making. Really just intentional and love filled. 
We colored eggs yesterday, spent time just talking and enjoying the sunshine, went to the park, laughed until we were all crying, we had my families favorite breakfast casserole for dinner... 
This morning my kid's found their Easter baskets, my hub took my son to the park to throw his new glider airplane, while my littlest is painting her sun catchers right next to me as I write, and my oldest is sleeping still..taking in her last morning of sleeping in. 
We are going to go to Denver and have lunch with my brother and sis-in-law, then scoot back home for a Easter egg hunt.
I think for the first time, it was the Easter weekend that was simply us. our flavor. our traditions.
It's given me much to think on as we return back home soon to Arizona.

Just some heart rumblings this morning as I think on Resurrection Sunday (Easter) and what it stirs inside me this April 2013.

May your day be filled with the beauty that is you and your family.

BIG x's and o's.

Amy



Friday, March 29, 2013

Dear judgmental crowd...

Dear judgmental crowd I am moving back to,

I know it's hard for you to look at my life and the different choices I have made and equate God in all of this. 
It's ok.
Because God isn't going to speak to you about my life.
God is going to speak to ME about my life.
So be at peace, avert your eyes and focus on your own path.
Listen to God about your own life and choices.
You can't see or hear what I see for me.
and.
that.
is.
ok.

Sincerely,
Me

:)

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Scared. or. Sacred.

Today, I was sitting with my sweet family. and something dawned on me.
We have gone through so much.. and the perspective of then versus the perspective of now is the difference between scared and sacred.

Let me explain.

In religion we are taught to gauge and measure our connection to God by the lack of suffering in our life.
Is life going good? God is near and you are in His good favor.
Is life going bad? Uh oh... God has shut you off, and you are wide open to all kinds of death and curses in your life.

And all of this is contingent on what we DO for God.

Service.
Bible time.
Prayer.
Church services.
Life groups.
Tithes and offerings.
Missions.
Emotional experiences.
Ministry.
Fellowship.
etc...

There is so much banking on all of that.

I remember getting up to lead worship one Sunday morning, and I hadn't had any quiet time all week. I had just yelled at my kids, and had been lying to my husband about my spending on a credit card he didn't know about. I felt so dirty. So distant from God. I just knew God was so far from me..that God wasn't going to show up and the whole service was going to suck because of me.

There it is... the gauge.

I do, so God does.


65,000.

That's the number of dollars we were rewarded for our time and service each year inside religion.

And what is really funny is that we had no idea what 65,000 dollars looked like.
No idea.
No grasp at all as to how much work it really takes to earn that much money each year.

25,000.

That's the number of dollars we made last year in 2012.

Really amazing.

Perspective: I now know exactly what 65,000 dollars looks like, and how much work it takes to make that much.

Inside religion we were so coddled.
A part of the special club.
Wined, dined and whispered about.
We were the desired ones. The ones every body wanted to know.
Rock stars in our own little space in the world.
We were addicted.
It was like a drug. the money. the recognition. the value.
1000% in over our head addicted to. it. all.

Fast forward to this year.
Here is how our lives look to on lookers...

Fact:
We have moved to a new state without jobs or a home.
We don't go to church, have quiet time OR read our Bibles.
We did find jobs, but they are small wage jobs...just over minimum wage.
We are on food assistance and state insurance.
I go to food banks to help feed my family.
We live pay check to pay check.
My daughter has gone to dark places.
We found out she has been cutting herself and contemplating suicide.
We are in counseling.
We are moving back to our home state after just a year of being in the new one.
We are hoping to have jobs, but don't know.
We are hoping to have a home, but don't know.
It's déjà vu all over again.
Starting over. again.

Now, my perspective inside religion would have been one of fear.
Scared. Failure. Cut off from God.

What did I do wrong??

I would have been on the floor writhing, crying out to God as to what I have done.
Repenting of leaving the church and for not believing a lot of the Christianity that I was raised in.
I would have then gone to the full opposite side of the spectrum and gone demon hunting.
Rebuking this spirit and that demon.
Throwing out our Harry Potter books and movies... all music not pointing to God.
All the time thinking that I.. me, had brought this on our house hold.
Doomed and damned by my own actions.
Scared.

I didn't. 
So God didn't.

I chuckle at that thought because of the abundant wealth that we have acquired here in this new land.
You can see all the facts...and if you had been talking to anybody from our old stomping grounds that knew about our situation, you would have gotten this perspective. I am sure there are those that do have this perspective of the S family and their falling away. So sad. So deserving of all that we have heaped on our own heads.

But.

Things are not always as they seem.
I call our time and everything that has transpired this past year...sacred.

Awakening has happened in both my hub and my life in areas that we have been asleep in.
Unraveled. Unfettered. Set Free. Cared for. Loved.

yes. sacred.

I don't blame myself for any of this. I don't blame God either.
In fact, there is nothing to blame on anybody.
It is all so good. so beautiful. so sacred.
If anything I feel God has led us here..not through some weird, " Thus say'eth the Lord" way..but through the dreams and desires of our hearts.
We have lived in the days of miracles being here.
Money, food, and clothing has come in ways we could have never created for ourselves. Through strangers, and people thousands of miles away, who didn't know our situation. We have never told anybody anything, of our needs... because we knew in our hearts we were so cared for and looked after.

We chose this.. we wanted this. and this is the space and place we needed to come to to so that we could see. hear. remember who we are. who God is.

This move to Colorado was our first big freedom choice.. it was like being set free from slavery and getting to make our first move inside freedom.

The cage was opened and we were flying. Flying with nobody to catch us from a fall..or coddle us back to safety.

Free to make our way. Free to choose without "doing it wrong". Free to find out who we are outside of the roles we played in religion.
Free to meet people.. to know that I am like-able and funny... I am liked and loved for me..not for my rock star status.

Free to work hard, so that I could have the perspective of exactly what $1.00 dollar looks like.
Tho they may be simple jobs, we get to work them. We get to make our way with our hearts at the lead.
We get to learn from our hearts, to dream and be completely away from critical eyes and judgement.
Just the freedom in THAT right there has been so healing.. to be and grow, hash and shed all the conditioning of the religion we were both marinated in... away from criticism and judging eyes.
To know that we co-create our lives. from our hearts. our dreams. our desires.
To gain vision and clarity.

There is a so much new freedom we have found.
Freedom to be US... and live life as US... the human being Bobby and Amy, not the roles of Bobby and Amy.
Free to be the family we want to be. with nobody watching.
Free to be the lovers and life partners that WE are...not some mold of what we should be or what married life should look like..but just us. together. bringing into this world the flavor of OUR love relationship.
Free to love and find the beauty in our simple life.
Free to not judge our life or each other..but just accept and unconditionally love.
Free to be the mom my children need, that my daughter needs me to be..to learn from her, to hear her, to see her.
to.
love her.
Breakthroughs. Awakenings. Clarity. Truth. Freedom. Individuality.

The treasures of our time here are so great. It would take so many pages to unfold them all, but there is just a taste.

The whisper I hear in my heart over and over..it's an echo in my soul...
"Beloved... you can't do anything wrong. Keep moving forward and following your heart."

There is NO do or not do..so that God does or doesn't do.

there is just now. God. and. me. and this journey.
And what that looks like for you, will look completely different from what it looks like for me.

But truely.. That is as simple as it is.

All life is sacred.
All seasons are sacred.
They all have their purpose.
There is no gauge. no more measuring stick.
There is no more fear. Just love.
There is only the precious truth that I am never alone. I can't do anything wrong. I am loved and I am valued.
and that is what is.
There is beauty to be found in all that comes if I am awake to see..suffering and abundance can walk hand in hand.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate and have such gratitude for this time here in Colorado.
I would not change it for the world.. not one thing.
Such incredible wealth we carry in our hearts as we end our time here.
So very grateful.

Remember, loves..
You are.
There is no do or not do... you simply are loved.

and.
that is so very good.

Can you see the difference?

Scared
or
Sacred.

<3

Amy

Monday, March 18, 2013


Happy Monday...

One of my most favorite authors in the world, Brene' Brown was on Oprah this past weekend...
I don't have cable, but was able to watch the full interview online.. my gosh, such an incredible interview!!

Wanted to share a link to the full episode!

http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Full-Episode-Oprah-and-Brene-Brown-on-Daring-Greatly-Video

There were some amazingly powerful thoughts on this.. I want to go back with pen and paper and write them down!

I have read every single one of Brene's books... they were seriously life changers for me!

Highly recommend each of them, but I think my all time fave was " The Gifts of Imperfections".

If you haven't had a chance to read any of her books, go out and get one right away! You will be so glad you did!

Beauty filled day to you!

xo
Amy

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Knowing..

I heard this yesterday and my heart about burst out of my chest...
 
“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. 
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. 
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. 
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. 
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. 
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

~ Buddha


This quote resounds so loudly in my heart... it speaks to me of everything I have been walking out and learning.

This is what this quote speaks to me...

Do not believe anything simply because somebody has said it.

But...

YOU look at it, research it, experience it, try it on.... and if it benefits, if it fits, is peaceful to your heart, and is good for you, your family.. the whole, then live in it.

Or

Don't.

I think the truest definition of freedom is in this opportunity to actually GET to formulate your own thoughts on things. We don't have to swallow something whole simply because an esteemed person in our life says we should. But we get to walk freely and experience life and God and come to a place of knowing inside.

You GET to experience life, and God, and love.
You GET to think your own thoughts.

And when you DO, it will take you way past a head belief to that knowing space in your heart.









For example... 

If I asked you... "What does a mango look like? Taste like? Feel like? Smell like?

You could tell me it's sweet.. it's smooth, it's oval and smells like it tastes.

I could ask another person, and they could say... it's bitter and very sour, it's very sharp and prickly, and it's square.

Which do I believe? I could believe either answer really...but I don't really KNOW anything.

Not until I experience the mango myself will I KNOW what it tastes, smells, feels, and looks like.

Then I can formulate how I feel about it, and if I like it... if it benefits or if it doesn't.

~~~~~~~ 

This thought from Buddha is my life mantra.

For far too long, I lived inside other people's beliefs.. and in doing so I was caged inside a box that was death to my heart.
Then the box was sealed with fear, so as to keep me safe inside and never questioning.
Never question the box.. or the book that the box was created around... never questioning what I have been told and how I should live, and how I should be.
Only believe these sets of rules and guidelines.. only go as far as the box.

But...

We forget that even in the Bible, all the stories we were taught as children, and read to in sermon's were all other people's experiences in life with God.

They are not your experiences nor are they mine.

They are OTHER people's.

The more I live, the more I see that God is meant to be experienced.
Life was meant to be lived and experienced.

As human beings, we learn best by trying things and learning from our mistakes.

So I made a decision.. a deep life decision..

I will know longer live and believe according to what others have experienced of life and God, nor what others tell me.

I will only live inside the knowledge of all that I experience of  life and God.
Because it's inside the experience that the knowing lives.

Oh I know I know... Fear says, "What have I done?? You are going to run off and make all these baaaaad choices and do all these baaaad things."

coughcough... um no.

I love that last part that Buddha adds.. "and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
Brilliant!
Because my life choices affect so many... so if it is beneficial to. the. whole.
Meaning.. my husband and children.. my friend and family.. my world around me.
Those who are affected by my life choices.
Yes ;)

<3

Just some thoughts today... wanted to share this with you.

xo

Amy



Notes from the Edge...Day 1531 of not tithing....

Today, I can't help but look with awe at my life and the incredible abundance my husband and I live in.

Every bill is paid every month.
There is food on our table.
We have a house over our head and electricity to keep us warm at night.

God is so good to us, and I am so grateful for this abundance.

And you want to know what....

We haven't tithed to the "church" for 1,531 days.

Ain't that a kick in the pants!

;)

Just thought you should know....

xo

Amy






Thursday, February 7, 2013

So.. what's holding you back?

A few night ago, lavishing in the love and comfort of my lovers arms...

Beauty. Breath. Silence.

In the midst of such a delicious and sacred time.. the after glow of vulnerability and rest... a question came like a force of electricity straight to my heart.

"What's holding you back?"

And in that moment.
I knew what that question was referring to.
Not this moment of intimacy, but something that has been hiding inside...just under the surface..
It was a question that was aimed straight at my dreams, at the opportunity to create, and at living the life I desire to live inside.
I keep it all pressed down.
Oh I definitely pull them out every once and awhile, and look at them, imagine them, but then I put them away.

"I'm afraid." a small voice from within said.
"If I let go... if I step into these dreams..and become this person living these dreams what will people think...what about my eternity...what if I am being deceived... what if.. I have it all wrong?"

and a rush of tears came and swelled in my eyes... tears ran down my cheeks...and sobs began to shake my shoulders.

I realized in that moment I keep myself "safe".
Safe TO people.
My outward cushion that I keep myself insulated with, so as to not scare away men with my curves, my sensuality, and my sexuality.
Or in my talk...not being to vocal, but always weighing people..their tones, their comfort levels, their conversation style..

Safe. to. people.
So.
that.
I.
am.
not.
too.
overwhelming.

too.
offensive.

too.
great.

too
much.

I stay small and comfortable for people so that they feel safe...and so that I don't feel...

alone.

~~~~~~

Recently, I heard a conversation.. I can't even tell you the exact wording of it, but the concept won't leave me alone.

It goes something like this...

Very few people are the actual original authors of their own thoughts.
Most people's thoughts come from other people.
Maybe a parent, a teacher, professor, author, pastor, rabbi, etc.. and even those people's thoughts came from ancient writings.
We really don't THINK our own thoughts, and it's such a sad shame because the very beauty and gift of free will is that we GET to think and formulate our own thoughts about life, love, God, everything!

I am so challenged by this because, it uncovers me.
My longing for validation..that I am ok. that I am on the "right" path. that I am acceptable and swallowable.
I am always seeking words and thoughts that are equal to the path that I am on to validate and make me feel safe.

It challenges me in my own thoughts.. which ones have I originated?
Which have come from me and my heart?
Not many.
I do think that some words from others.. and some thoughts from others encourage us, and spur us towards listening to our own hearts and then empowering us to think our own thoughts and create.
But to THINK my own thoughts...or be the author of my own life and thoughts is SUCH a challenge to me.
It's a pebble inside me.. like a piece of sand inside an oyster. It's mulling itself around, irritating me..bumping inside of me, scraping and causing so much good discomfort.

It brings me back to that question again... "What's holding you back?"

Me.
I am holding me back.

My fear because of what I have heard from other's and THEIR thoughts on God and life.
About eternity outside of religion's God...about keeping myself a "safe" person to people.. not too out there.. not too free, so that I can feel accepted and validated even if it is temporal and not real.

~~~~~~
I saw a picture of a bird...flying and it had two strings tied to each leg...
It was in the air, but flying like a kite.
Not really free. flying yes. but not free and flittering around in it's bliss and beauty.
It was getting frustrated.. it's desire to fly free and unfettered.
It was me.

So.
My beautiful friends..

The question.. "What's holding YOU back?"

xo

Amy

Monday, February 4, 2013

Raw..

Don't know what happened.. but woo wee, this girl has gone into an intense bit of grieving.

Was fine until PMS week hit, and woosh..down down I went.

It's ok.

I mean.

I don't like hard feelings, but it definitely is a great time to embrace what is hard and just let it run eb and flow.

Thought it would go away after pms was over.. I always spring right back,  but noooot so much.

It's still here.

The grief. The loss. And the letting go.

I want to let go. I want to see brightly into the future, but am realizing first I have to visit with the grief of losing this beautiful state, and the dreams we have made here.
The dreams that we were stepping towards.

My chest is tight.
My tummy a mess.
I think I have been shocked and in "get my baby out of danger" mode.
But now, as everything is settling in, I find I am just sad.

It will be ok.
I will be ok.

Just breathing. and being. and crying.

love to you.

xo

Amy


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Big Life Update..

Thought I would take some time to heart write this morning..

Steamy peace


Have my cup of tea...

and I feel ready today.

To share.


This is my life anthem these days..


Let Go


I do believe I know what my first tattoo will be... I actually wrote this on my arm this morning.

Let Go.

Don't strive.. don't fight... just let go and let life, emotions, all of it flow through you... and just let go.
It's happening already.. life, the emotions... just fight them, just let go and let it all come.

~~~~~~

It snowed last night, and I thought I would snap some pictures of the snow... it was gloriously light outside this morning...
The snow sparkling as if there were millions of tiny little diamonds in it.
It's still such a beautiful wonder to me... never living in snow, I am loving the experience!
Unfortunately, the camera just didn't capture it's beauty..but my heart captured it. :)



snow 2013

My pups on the other hand, prefer to view the outside from INSIDE.. :)

This is my Sammy boy! He rawks!

Puppy loves.



"How is Colorado?" a friend asked.
"How's it been out there?"

My answer: Amazing. Hard. Glorious. Intense. Divine. Miraculous. A Roller coaster.

The past 10 months living here in Colorado, away from our hometown of Arizona has been quite the adventure.
My hub and I have at least 100 new gray hairs.. ha!
No really!

Aaaaand, both of us have had some of the greatest breakthroughs in perspective and mindsets that we have ever had in our entire lives
Those breakthroughs came through a lot of tears, falling down, crawling, being bewildered, and choosing to move forward into new areas.
There have been so many "unknowns"... no security, other then trust and surrender that God has us.

For example:
Like... me going back to a clock in and clock out job.
Like... us losing half our food benefits and insurance.
Like.. my hubby working manual labor, and working outside in the snow and negative degree weather...and him suffering with injury, but continuing to have to work despite it.
Like.. not knowing how our rent was going to be paid, or how our children would have a Christmas.
Like.. every single need that arises, gets met in some crazy, "there is no way we could have planned this" kind of way.
Like.. actually realizing we get to create our own lives. THAT is a huge one for us.
I hear in my heart constantly.. " Make your way. Go on... make your way, love. Don't stop.. Make your way."
It's like a rhythm.. a drive inside of me... a beat... " Make your way."

Realizing we CAN actually make our own way, and work hard and reach the goals that are important to our hearts and family...

HUGE breakthrough on that one for my hubby.
He has been so stuck in believing what religion told him about his life.. the lie that he is only good for one thing and one thing only.. to lead worship. He has not been able to break through on that one, until literally a about a month ago.
Something clicked into place, and away he is going.
He started volunteering with senior citizens, and realized he has such a love and passion for the elderly.
So he has decided to pursue a 2 year degree to be a certified occupational therapist assistant that specializes in the elderly.

I cry as I type that because, you cannot even know how many conversations we have had, and tears he has had at his internal belief that he could do nothing more then music...a grieving, letting go, grueling aggravation inside of him... So much longing and desire to see things differently, but this constant doubt and critical voice that ate away at him.. longing to do something more, something different, but not being able to break free of the old mindset.

But one day at work, he had an awakening.. a view inside of the lie.. and it's origins.
He recognized it.. mourned it.
Went to sleep that night, and woke up changed.
Boom.
Just like that.
Absolutely amazing!
He is a totally different person in that arena.. and THAT, my friends is a miracle!


untitled-11.jpg


My own journey breakthrough has been one of living inside of trust and surrender.

Trust that my heart is so so good...it's Divine...it's dreams, desire's and passions are amazing and they are straight from God's heart.
Trust that God has me. Has my hub. Has my children.
Trust that God cares, and is present in everything and surrounds me with hope..abundance...and truth.
Trust that we are not alone. that I am not alone.
Trust that the dreams I see, that I see so clearly, as if they are a super reality, ARE coming to pass, and WILL come to fruition.
Trust in the great Divine that this journey is His/Her doing, that I am safe in the heart of God, rooted down deep in the soil of God.

Trusting in my own heart. My own experiences..and My own intuition for ALL things.
Trusting in the process and in the journey.


then...there is the surrender.
Surrender is like a picture of hands wide open.
Open to receiving whatever God flows into them, just enjoying whatever that is while it's there with no expectations of it staying forever or it being forever mine..
Open so that whatever comes, can stay as long as it would like..
Open so that whenever it is time for something to flow past, it can.

If my hands are clinched shut, this represents expectations that I would have...and I would hold fast to these expectations...being disappointed in life if things didn't "look" a certain way or if I didn't "have" a certain this or that...never satisfied or content with what is. Calling things mine.

If my hands were flipped upside down, with palms facing the ground, this represents me receiving nothing.. Allowing everything to fall to the ground. Never offering it a chance to stay... to be vulnerable in the friendships that might be or the love that might be. But being afraid. Possibly having a belief that I don't deserve anything good..not love, not money, not abundance...

Surrender.



Surrender IS Living Inside the Letting Go.

Allowing all things to come.. emotions, truths, situations (be it hard or euphoric), love, friendships, life.
All things.
They WILL come.. that is just life.
And I want to stop the striving against them..and allow them to come and just flow through me.
Inside of the Letting Go.

I am finding such an incredible abundance of peace and this euphoric joy inside living in trust and surrender.

I have NEVER in my whole entire life experience euphoric joy, just because.
Not even when we had all our needs met and all life's external circumstances were "perfect".
Let alone when life is the complete opposite.
Ha!

So so loving these truths.. I want them to stay and root down deep deep inside my heart.


steamy cup of love..every day pics


so that is a tiny little bit that has been happening...

On another note, just within the last month we have come to a big T in the road.... and in this I will share more.

This is the part of this post that is very emotional for me.. it is where my heart presently is, and I am going to just write it out..tears, snot and all!
I haven't been ready..until today.
My heart has been breaking.. tears have washed my face so many times I have lost count.

This is my love.. my daughter, Hope.
This picture was taken when we first arrived in Colorado 10 months ago.
You can see the light in her eyes. Life. Light. and so much Beauty.


Light

She is my deep well... of thought and emotion.
She is such a light.. I love love being her momma.
She is my first. My love. The kid that makes me laugh out loud and cry.
She is strong. Stubborn. And so full of love.

When we left Arizona to pursue our dream of Colorado, we told our children one thing.

"We are going to try Colorado for 1 year.. and then we will re-access and see how everybody likes it. If we don't like it, we will go. If we do, then we will stay."

It's always been a team dream. We are a team. This dream was ALL of our dream for most of the 7 years that we talked about it, planned together, etc..
except....
Hope started to waver.
She was 11 at the time and in 5th grade.
My honey and I had been watching to see if she had made that "switch".. you know the one.
When kids switch from being children, relying on their mom and dad for their security and wisdom, and then switching to more young adult/teen independence and their friends become their source of security and wisdom.
I don't know if I explained that right, but I think you get the idea.

Having had Colorado in our hearts for so long, our whole family had been dreaming of the day we would move and try it out.
We had some factors that we were waiting on, one very big one was waiting on our son, Josiah, to be ready. He has complications from a brain injury that happened when he was almost 2, that have caused learning disabilities and speech and language disorders.
He has been surrounded and saturated, in freaking miraculous ways, with therapies and a school program that helped him immensely.
So he was a major factor in moving.. we wanted to get the thumbs up from all areas for him.
And we did.

Then we had our oldest.. Hope.
We wanted to make sure we didn't pull her from school and her friends if she was making that "switch".
We watched, talked, watched and talked more.. and we did not see this.
Until.. we were in Colorado.
She struggled. and struggled. and struggled.
We talked and reached out to her to walk with her through the transition of a new state, new school, new everything.
But slowly she began to build a wall around her heart.
She would not talk after awhile.
She boarded herself up inside, and became quiet.
My hub and I would continue and have continued to reach out, to love her, to cultivate ways to connect, and she started to resist....and her resistance became hostile and mean and angry the more time went on.

This is a recent picture of Hope... you can't see it, but she is stiff as a board.
She hated this whole family picture session. Would not smile... and is pulling away from me.
Girlfriend IS PISSED... and not just because we have a camera in front of her...well that's part of it.
This is symbolic of her in this season.
Her anger. Her disconnection. Her sorrow.

my #1 love... she is so amazing!

We were losing her. 
We kept talking to each other to figure out ways to reach Hope.. we kept pursuing her heart...but she would have none of that.
She isolated herself in her room constantly. Door locked.
She dyed her hair black, and covered her eyes in black.. her clothes are all black.
We let her.. I have no problem with my kid's expressing themselves, and I wanted her to have that outlet.
She still would not talk to us..other then a snide, mean or negative comment here and there.

ugh. My heart breaks just looking at this picture, and how exhausted I was after our photo shoot.
The negativity, the lack of connected-ness... ugh. The whole thing just breaks my heart.

The greatest heart break of all was on Christmas Eve.
I had been working like a mad woman at my new job...crazy hours.
My hubby whispered to me, "Babe, when you get a sec, check out Hope's left arm."
I did..and saw a series of cuts on her arm.. 6 or 7 I think.
So right away, I called her to her room, and asked her what they were.
She was shocked.. and said that "the dog had scratched her."
We went round and round and round...with her more and more atimate that they were not from her cutting herself, but that she was playing with Sammy and that he had gotten all excited and scratched her.
I looked at her... and with tears in her eyes..
"She said, Mom.. you have to believe me.. I am not cutting myself."

sigh.

So I did.
I believed her.
But vowed to myself to be watchful.

Fast forward a few weeks, I was online and had a thought to check Hope's twitter account.
I am a Mom and it's my right to snoop.. ha! and boy do I!
She was writing and conversing with some stranger about how she has been cutting herself.
BOOM.
There it is.
Her confession.
I went on to read how she was portraying her life, herself...and it was all so dark.
Many of the things she wrote were not "true" in the sense that they were reality, but I think they were her reality  if that makes sense.

After talking to her again about my findings, she was truthful with us.
Very short. and quietly truthful.
We reassured her that she is so loved, and that cutting is a symptom of pain not expressed.
That she isn't in trouble...but that we wanted to help her.
She just glared at us..tears would come sometimes, but not because of us knowing...more because her control was busted through.

I went on to snoop a bit more and found her art journal... she had been talking about ending her life...all the words she wrote to describe herself were so hate filled, and just pure lies she was telling herself.

Freaked out can't even describe how scared I was.
My hub went into denial..almost not believing that she was actually doing all of this...down playing it.
But I knew better then to over look this kind of stuff.
My alarm and freaked out shock, pulled him out of his denial.
I found a counselor right away... was able to get Hope in ASAP.
But I couldn't shake a decision I knew that my hub and I needed and were gonna need to make.

After finding Hope's journal and realizing the depths of her pain, something clicked inside.
One morning, while by myself, a scenario of images and emotions and truths came flooding into my heart.
Almost as if God was downloading all that Hope has been going through straight into me.
I had NOT seen it before, tho I had sought her out.
This was what came...

Hope, out of all three of my kids, has never been one to voice her needs.
She has always been the quiet one, the one that goes with the flow.
Josiah has had so many needs over his little life, and Faithis so NOT quiet about any of her needs...
But Hope has always been quiet. We have always had to seek her out. If she needed a hug, she wouldn't ask.. we would have to hug her, and then she would soak it up.
This is the child that has the hardest time asking me to throw one of her tshirts in the washer if I ask.

Us moving devastated her heart deeply and greatly.

She had made the "switch" just that school year before we left Az for Colorado.
Hope loves fiercely. And she is fiercely loyal to those she loves.
Us pulling her away from her friends..her beloved school...from her family/cousins, from her state, broke her heart... literally broke it... it made her feel completely out of control.

She had decided that year she didn't want to move...but our plans were already in motion.
We talked her into trying with us. She agreed.
I don't think she could even see what was coming... I know her heart was to try and make the best of the experience.

But what happened was she felt her choice was taken.
She felt completely out of control..and us taking her from all she loved and found security in took her control away... the impression I got was the type of out of control I would feel, if someone forced me to do something that I absolutely did not want to do...in a very extreme way. I haven't felt that way in a very long time, but as a child and teen I sure had a couple situations where I felt like that.
I think, at first, she struggled against her anger with us for taking that choice. She is so kind, and loving... and to feel that kind of anger was really difficult for her.
She has always struggled with naming her emotions, and that was something that we would talk out together...ever since she was itty bitty.
Her anger towards us caused her to wall herself inside her heart.
She was alone...isolated.
And being so young,  she coped and tried to handle her pain the best she knew how to do.
She ended up stuffing it, and checking out all the time...through music, tv, internet.
And when the pain had no place to go, she cut herself.
And all the thoughts that come when we don't express pain.. our mind starts going to scary places..as her's did.
She was in so much pain, the idea of suicide started to look like the only solution.

When this all came, I knew at once a couple things had to happen.

1. This journey for her..coming back to healing and wholeness was going to take time... as well as her trusting us and restoring relationship with us.

She is a snail pace mover, like her Daddy....and when trust is betrayed, it takes a long time to restore that. Trust is a biggie for her.

2. I felt strongly that one of the first steps for her to start to make steps towards wholeness was going to take something on her dad and my part.
She needed to know just how much we loved her and were FOR her...and this was going to need to come from a BIG and VERY LOUD example...more then just counseling was going to bring her...which leads us to 3...

3. This example couldn't come in any other form other then us moving back to Arizona.
That is her one heart's desire.
To go back home.

And there you have it.

We are moving back to Arizona.

Did NOT see that one coming. at. all.

But,  just like we told our daughter, .. there is no state or dream that is more important then her life..her happiness and her wholeness.
She is and has always been our first dream.. that she would be a whole and happy human being.
And the deal was, if one person was suffering and not enjoying this move, we would go back.

The picture I saw of her was of her drowning.
We were all on the shore, and Hope was under the water.
We were reaching out our hands to her, but she would not grab a hold of it for help.
And how we see it is this..  if as a team, one man is down we all need to get down and do what it takes to pull that man up...or young woman in this case.

The night we told Hope, she smiled...truly smiled for the first time in months.
And the next morning, she was singing and giddy.
This child that I had missed terribly and had been so angry and sad was singing... Oh my heart.
The light has come back into her eyes, and she has been touching me again.
No more cringes or stiffness when I hug her or touch her.
That makes me cry right there... to have so much love in your heart for somebody and for them to repel it...to cringe from any action of love is so painful, as a parent. I am sure many of you understand that.
Her counseling is going wonderfully.

This choice has to be one of the most heart wrenching choices on one side, but also one of the greatest acts of love I think my hub and I have ever made for our children.

This has come so unexpected. I have been walking around in shock and wordless.
My hub and I have cried so much the past 2 weeks after realizing what we needed to do and making this decision for Hope.
Neither one of us feels "ready" to go back...but the more we turn our face towards Arizona, and the knowing inside that this is what is best for the whole of our family, the more peace comes and it is getting easier.
It's a definite adjustment of heart and perspective.

I look back at our time in Colorado and I can see the Divine's fingerprints everywhere.
All the truths and awakenings that have happened inside are eternal and we both can say we are forever changed.
I am so very grateful for this time here.
My heart is so so eternally grateful...






Just the other night I was laying in bed...tears came again, and I let them fall on to my pillow.
A whisper came..
"Greater love has no man, then he lay down his life for another."

And then a promise came..

"I am with you in this... your love can only come back to you 1 thousand fold, my love. 
Do not be afraid.. 
Think of what you are sowing into the heart of Hope it. 
I have you..you need not be afraid or wonder if I will go ahead of you... I already have, and am with you. 
Shhhhhh... my love.. 
Peace to you. I am with you always. 
Love will always win."

And I fell into the most peaceful sleep that night and have not been afraid since.

This post has been one of the hardest for me to write.
I am crying again as I type.
Thankyou for reading this.
Thankyou for your love and for caring always.

I love you.

xo

Amy

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Conversations with God... some book love

Hi loves..

Has anybody read "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch??




In one word..

WOW!!

I read/listened to it on audio book of the book, and wow wow wow!
The thoughts and conversation keep coming up and revisiting me over and over and over again.

Just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes with you...


"You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. 
You are peace and joy and light. 
You forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. 
You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the greatest love. 
You are these things. 
And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things.
Choose now to know yourself as these things always"


<3

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"Seek, therefore, not to find out Who You Are, seek to determine Who You Want to Be. Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know), but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is." 


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"Feeling is the language of the soul.
If you want to know what's true for you about something, look to how you're feeling about it.
Feelings are sometimes difficult to discover--and often even more difficult to acknowledge. 
Yet hidden in your deepest feelings is your highest truth.
The trick is to get to those feelings.
Listen to your feelings. 
Listen to your Highest Thoughts. 
Listen to your experience. 
Whenever any one of these differ from what you’ve been told by your teachers, or read in your books, forget the words. 
Words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth."



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"The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. 

Seek, therefore, not to find out Who You Are, seek to determine Who You Want to Be. Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know), but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is. "

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"Wholeness is the process of accepting all, then choosing best."


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So many wonderful treasures and truths... so many more I could share!



Have you read this gem??

Would love to hear your favorite quotes if you have any!


xoxo