Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Devices.

I just came across this really interesting photography project by Zack Arias.

His project "de_VICE" is reaaally interesting.

This pic.. is one that I have seen a LOT around me.



Photography source = Zack Arias

An opportunity for connection, but with device in hand...nothing.

A internal fear of mine is that my children will have a picture of their mom looking just like this man.
My face not looking at theirs, but at my "device".. whatever it might be more times then not.
Computer, phone, tv, etc..

My prayer for a very long time has been that I would always choose what is real and present, and not what isn't.
Because I would find myself choosing my devices over my families' sweet faces.
And that makes me tear up even now.

"Why?", I would ask myself.
Knowing full well that the device was not what my heart longed for.

Something I came to realize is that I was hiding.
From what?
From me.
From love.
From vulnerability.
From emotion.

Hiding behind all these many devices.
Hiding behind busyness and activity.

Longing for connection, but looking for it in the wrong places.
Hiding from the vulnerability of what was real and settling for the safeness of what was not.


Now, please know, I don't think smart phones are wrong...neither is email, computers or social media.
They have great benefits.

But what I am finding is that they are not beneficial for me.

Maybe it's my own tendency to get wrapped up in virtual life...to get sucked in by it.
Or maybe it's my own sensitive nature that is highly affected by it.
I don't know.

Just yesterday, it happened again.

I was sitting down to catch up on my emails, thinking my family was distracted in other things.
Thinking I had a few minutes to read and respond to a few friends.
And my littlest started calling my name from the table.
Just right behind me.
But I couldn't hear her.
Something has happened to my hearing...
not my first level hearing, but my second level hearing of listening.

Hearing and listening are very different.

She must have called my name 6 times before I looked up to respond.
And once I did, she had already gotten to the give up place.
"Never mind." she said with face looking down to the ground.
I stood up.
Picked her up.
Looked her in her eyes.. and said, "I am here. I am so sorry for being distracted by the computer again. Please tell me, love, what do you need."
She needed help with her homework.
sigh.

So.
Once again, I make a internal decision to be present.
To my family.
To myself.
To my life.

I don't want my children to remember their momma staring at a screen, like this man above, while they are in need and calling my name.


untitled-176-Edit.jpg


Choose life today.

xo

Amy




7 comments:

  1. Ooooh yeah! Feelin it!
    Hard.
    Xxx

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    Replies
    1. Widge... I hear ya sister!

      Loves to you!

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  2. I agree:) Just don't let guilt eat you up either. Remember what Rene said, If online time makes you feel refreshed and ready to engage then it is considered down time. If it does not- do something else. That is my rule:) I love my blog gals friendships and time and it enables me to be better later on...So I just remember not to do too much time but also to not feel guilt when I am in the screen just like I would not want my kids to feel guilt when they are watching their favourite show:)
    This was challenging and needed. Thank you!:)

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    Replies
    1. K, I so agree. I again want to say that I am not saying that these devices or internet or anything like that are bad and useless. I know for me, I love writing. It's a life line for me. I just need to choose my times wisely because when I get into it, I have a hard time pulling away. So I choose to do it when my kids are in bed or at school.
      Not when they are home and surrounding me. I want to be present to those moment, and those "happenstances" where their heart just opens, and I get to be there to hear and be a part of that.
      No guilt at all...just a sober reminder to myself of what my heart truly wants...for my kids and family.

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  3. Oh I get that;) and I live that intentional living! I am inspired by your thought process... I just added the guilt thing cuz it's something I fight and on the chance it may be you too I wanted you to not feel that so much! Thanks for clarifying;)
    Love you and have an intentional day!!!;)

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    Replies
    1. I canNOT wait to shed guilt once and for all! My hiding and distraction seeking was a biggie for me for a long time. But something I found when I lived inside the guilt of those areas, is that I would continue in them. It was like the guilt made the activities taboo, and my ego would want them even more.
      Kind of the whole" red balloon" concept.. lol!
      Really loath shame and guilt. looooath! The Brene' book you are reading helped me immensely with the guilt and shame stuff.
      Kindness and love to myself has brought such gorgeous fruit. The things that I used to feel so much shame and guilt with are shriveling up and falling away.
      Love you, K! I love your heart of intentionality so much! I long to live in that purposefulness so much!

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  4. yup. this hit home. i escape often and I have an addictive personality. some people can just stop what they are doing no problem but me? I do have to be dragged away. this was really important for me to read. Thank you so much for this powerful reminder!! xoxooxoxo

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