Saturday, December 29, 2012

Words and the new year.

Love the New Year!

Long have I passed up making resolutions.. oy. No thanks!
Always was a recipe for failure for me...big time!

I adore asking the Divine for a word.
Something that God is going to work into me, my life... a word that brings a centeredness and intentionality to the new year we will be stepping into.
Not something I strive for, but maybe the way to say it, is something of a thread through life inside this next year.

I have been thinking on this question.
Asking God just here and there whenever the thought comes about 2013.

Last year my word was "making peace with myself"

And last week this symbol came to mind.
Just like that in the middle of the mundane.

Aaaahhhh.... yes.

Yin and Yang.
Light and Shadow.

I looked up the meaning of ying and yang, and found this.

"In Chinese philosophy, the concept of Yin-Yang (simplified Chinese阴阳traditional Chinese陰陽pinyinyīnyáng), which is often called "yin and yang," in the cultures of Western Civilization -- literally meaning "shadow and light" -- is used to describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and, how they give rise to each other as they inter-relate to one other. 
The concept lies at the origins of many branches of classical Chinese science and philosophy, as well as being a primary guideline of traditional Chinese medicine,[1] and a central principle of different forms of Chinese martial arts and exercise, such as baguazhangtaijiquan (t'ai chi), and qigong (Chi Kung) and of I Ching
Many natural dualities (e.g., dark & light, female & male, low & high, cold & hot, water & fire, etc., etc.,) are thought of as physical manifestations of the yin-yang concept.
Yin and yang are actually complementary -- not opposing -- forces, interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part; in effect, a dynamic system. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, (e.g., shadow cannot exist without light). Either of the two major aspects may manifest more strongly in a particular object, depending on the criterion of the observation. The concept of yin and yang is often symbolized by various forms of the Taijitu symbol, for which it is probably best known in Western cultures.
There is a perception (especially in the West) that yin and yang correspond to evil and good. However, in Daoist metaphysics, good/bad distinctions and other dichotomous moral judgments are perceptual, not real; so, yin-yang is an indivisible whole. In the ethics of Confucianism on the other hand, most notably in the philosophy of Dong Zhongshu, (c. 2nd century BCE) a moral dimension is attached to the yin-yang idea."

O my gosh.. I LOVE that... "Yin and yang are actually complementary -- not opposing -- forces, interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part; in effect, a dynamic system. "
Shadow can't exist without light.

It's wholeness.
Both shadow and light.
The beauty in the contrast of both of them.

See, my whole life has been about good and bad... darkness and light. And just stop it!
Stop all the bad things you do.. and the darkness you live in. Just stop it! That was the message I have taken in my whole life. To oppose, resist and shove down and manage all those areas that my community and religious culture deemed as bad.
It didn't work.
I couldn't stop. It doesn't ever go away. No matter how many times I managed my behavior and my bad darkness.
And to live with it managed and shoved down, was to literally shut myself down. To live shoving myself underneath a sea of water. without breathe. suffocating.
That is exactly how I felt too, now that I look back at me all those years.
Without breathe. Suffocating. Dead inside. Desperate for life.
I am still digesting that one right there, because of all that conditioning and indoctrination.
But I am seeing it more and more. It's coming tho. and it's gorgeous the wholeness that's coming.

The Divine created you and I.
Every bit of our humanity and divinity.
It's no surprise to God that managing a behavior that I have deemed as bad, is not going to work.
It never works. 
It's always right there, underneath the surface because it's a part of me.
It's always right there, ready to pop up and show it's lil' face... and do the naughty deed again. :)
Anways, I just say all that because I have realized that God isn't impressed with my managing skills!
He really isn't.. lol! I think a lot of Christians think He is...but I think it's one of those illusions we have been taught pleases God.
Reality is. I please God.
All of me.
My shadow and my light.
(no actions required)

I think the question that comes more often in all areas is "Does this serve me? Does it add to my life or take from it?"

I had mentioned in a couple posts back that I could feel the Divine pressing on the whole "food" area again. It has just come up here and there. food. my old friend and way of survival.
It's interesting as I look back at how dead I felt.. how I was going to a source of life.
Really in a sense, it wasn't that far off.
Food does bring us life, but not the kind of life I needed.
Spiritual life.
Emotional life.
I needed a different kind of food. ;)

I have labeled many things as good and bad, and this whole journey has been about un-labeling and letting be all those good/bad areas. 
Food included. 
My body included.

Realizing everything in life has it's yin and yang... wow! 
What freedom in that perspective!
It all has it's shadow and it's light.
Embracing that is to live inside of balance and that beautiful space of peace and contentment.

I am so exciting about 2013! I really really am.

I have to be super honest right now.. 
I am in a season where I have never been more lonely. Never been more stretched. Never been more free. Never felt more gloriously connected to the Divine, my husband and my children...while also feeling so disconnected from friends and family. Bewildered in that. Such contrast. But it's the whole, right?
I long to embrace the whole.
All the areas... it's easier to accept the whole of others more then it is to offer it to myself.
Looking forward to more awakening inside that.
To love me. my body. and food.
I am sure more will come up.. ha! sigh.
And you know that you will get to read ALL about it!

So here's to 2013!
I look on each brand new day, and this brand new up and coming year of 2013 with hope and expectation. 

Yin and Yang.
Embracing what is... the shadow and the light.
In me.
In all things.

Would love to hear if you have a word in 2013.
Maybe it hasn't come yet.
That's ok.
It will come.



  1. I actually felt this paragraph exactly!!!!;
    I am in a season where I have never been more lonely. Never been more stretched. Never been more free. Never felt more gloriously connected to the Divine, my husband and my children...while also feeling so disconnected from friends and family. Bewildered in that. Such contrast. But it's the whole, right?
    So much that I am a bit weirded out that you said it!;) I ditto that in my life. It's nice to know we are fellow journeyers;)
    I love your word. I used to have a ring with the symbol but in school it was confiscated. My father who was usually quote liberal also freaked out at me because as a teenager I was so drawn to the balance of yin yang. I still sometimes feel the aweful shame they associated with it... Telling me I was evil. Now older and able to do my own thing I realize it wasn't me in the wrong. Being drawn to it was very natural for me. Sigh.

    1. K! You are totally kidding me??!!
      Ha! That's so so wild! Thankyou for saying so...that seriously takes alot of courage and vulnerability. And I adore that about you!
      It's pretty wild! While I was typing last night on this post, it was so present..right there sitting in my chest. I think being off of FB has uncovered that deep lonliness. It has been there, just very covered up for a long time.

      I remember my mom and dad saying the same thing about the Yin and Yang sign but never understood why. They just said it was of the devil. Kind of like the peace sign. lol! Ah me... but what a gorgeous symbol of life, wholeness and balance.


  2. OMG crazy religion!!! lol just read your two comments and yeah...that is what I said out loud to myself...had to share that

    well on the yin and the was my first tattoo, after my first sons birth..such as a sinner I am lol
    it really makes so much much spiritual sense
    Girls in my journey I have come to learn that feeling lonely is more normal than is part of the journey to find our God given spiritual strength within ourselves first...then in others. Lonely yes, but never alone...never alone...never alone. It is the lesson for all who journey, especially when that journey become intentional...does that make sense? does it speak to you?

    I love your heart
    always have
    I love when you speak straight from it
    it inspires me
    lifts me up
    enlightens me
    thank you

    I have my word
    I will post about it in the coming week : )
    but for now
    I hope you will come by for a visit and read my last offering for 2012
    I would love to share it with you

    hears to the yin and the yang and the beautiful balance of light and dark

    blessings to you my sister as you walk this one through
    I am excited to see what it reveals to you and to us all through you!

    love and light

    1. Isn't that so the insanity of defining everything as good and bad? Oy! And unfortunately religion is chock full of defining everything as "in or out"..."good or bad"... I think it's what happens when you live inside a box that everything has to fit into. I call it breakin' out my sharpie pen.. I have to outline everything and label it.

      Yin and yang DOES makes SO much sense!

      Cat, what you say right here about lonely hit me square in the chest. It's funny because that's where the lonely sits. You are spot on, gf! Thankyou for that reminder. It brought me back to the beginning of this journey when I began to leave the institution in my heart, and then left it with my body... the loneliness was intense. For so many reasons, but o my gosh, the depth and awakening in that time was incredible. I get what you are saying. I was telling my hub about what you said and I could feel the words and their truth settling inside. Peace was residing, and a sense of crazy as that sounds. But ooooh yes, I hear you! Thankyou thankyou for sharing that insight. Perfect timing!

      Looking forward to reading about what God has brought to you for this up and coming year.

      2013 is gonna be amazing!

      Love and abundant life to you! Gonna hop over after work and read about your last offering.. love you mucho!

  3. Amy, I LOVED this. I think I'm the only one who has never heard that ying yang was evil or the peace sign too!! I'm glad I didn't know that this summer when I was going through my "everything is a conspiracy" psychotic phase. that would have wigged me out. I mean, really... how stupid is that. Everything comes from God. The balance in my opinion is about God. It's ALL about God, if you ask me. I am so glad to be released from that dark deep fear of evil. Here is to ying and yang. right on! and to beautiful, crazy, messy, alive, moving, growing, balance!! You are amazing xoxo and Cat, I needed to read what you said about loneliness, tonight. What a beautiful bunch of women, I'm so grateful to have met! xo love you all.

    1. Nyssa, I love that it was never a evil thing to you! Woo hoo for that! I understand why it doesn't fit into religion. Religion is all about good and bad.. embracing the light and running from the darkness. Yin and yang embracing ALL! That is unheard of inside religion. It's bewildering. But truly when we embrace our whole self, shadow and light, we are embracing wholeness.

      I so hear you. God IS the balance..and we are in God and God is in us.
      It is, and now we live!

      Cheers and amen to beautiful, crazy, messy, alive, moving and growing in balance and in all things eternal this New Year!


    2. love to you sister...glad my words spoke to you♥