Sunday, November 25, 2012

Avoidance.




I get these little daily email bites from one of my favorite author's and life coaches, Martha Beck.

Normally, I just skim them, and take what jumps out at me, but last week I received one that made me think.
I was in a hurry, as I had 5 minutes to check my email before my kids needed to get up for the day... and this particular bite jumped out at me.

I saved it and it literally kept coming up in my thoughts all day long.

Here's is the quote... I LOVED THIS!

Once we’re willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. Where we used to think about what was “safe,” we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities.

Ask yourself this: What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?
Think of at least three answers.


~ The Willingness Factor: Learn to Avoid Avoidance


Everything inside me screamed YES!!

"Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, ( and not fear it ) we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear!"

Such the truth!!

This thought kept visiting me through out the day, I had to come back and read the entire article this excerpt came from.

It is on the topic of avoidance!

So so encourage you to click over and read the rest.. it was so good!

I have since been mulling this around inside...asking myself the questions...

What areas am I living inside of avoidance?
What areas am I living inside being "safe"?


To answer Martha's question.. What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?

I know what my life would look like if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain... it would look absolutely FREE!
Free to live inside the space of not questioning the hell out of ever single life choice... of following my heart completely.
I know there are areas that I walk inside this freedom, but I want to call out all the little areas that I continue to live inside avoidance in.

The word that comes to mind when I think of that word, "safe" is illusion.
That safe feeling isn't real.. it truly is an illusion of safe.
Because safety cannot be found externally, it has to be found internally.
Just like joy, peace and contentment.

After some life seasons of intense unknowns, I so see like never before how living a life of avoiding what I perceive as pain, is not a life of living inside freedom.
It's very dangerous and it is a life full of bewilderment to believe that unless my life is pain-free, then I am not living.. I am not happy... that there must be something I am doing wrong, something wrong with me, my life, my husband, etc...
So what I will end up doing is living a life of survival, and finding the next "high" of happy... or "high" of reaching this or that. But soon it fizzles and I have to start striving and working towards the next "high"..the next moment of reaching towards the illusive invisible carrot

I wonder a lot if many of our addictions comes from this survival space and the illusion that I am reaching for... this space of avoidance? ;)

I think there are a couple factors that play into that concept and that illusion... definitely our culture's message that happy is how you should always be, and if you are not, then something is wrong with you.
And of course all the marketing that says if I eat this, I will be happy.. if I have that, I will be happy, I am have this amount of money, I will be happy...etc..
And most definitely the religious stuff that says if you are not happy and don't have a pain free life then you are doing something wrong, or it's the devil or it's God's wrath, etc..
It's wild, because when I think of Jesus, I think the church would shun his suffering and pain.
Talk about a totally twisted message from the truth that even Jesus lived out.

But really, most generations past have known that life just has pain... life will be uncomfortable... you will have fear, but you just walk through life situations with it, and you don't let it hold you back.
Many cultures even today, they understand this truth.

In fact the definition of the word brave is not to have lack of fear, but to go where your heart is leading you despite the fear.

I am so ready to shed this delusional mindset.
And live inside the beautiful truth that life WILL BE uncomfortable... in fact, some of the greatest accomplishments are going to come with the greatest degree of fear and pain and discomfort.
I mean, think about giving birth...what beautiful fruit comes from hours, sometimes days of contractions, blood, pushing, intense pain... what incredible beauty comes from that?!!

I long to come into that complete space of no longer editing my words, actions and my life choices according to staying safe and letting fear rule...but of living inside the truth of the willingness to step towards where my heart leads. Accepting that the fact that fear will be present, and life will be uncomfortable and have pain.
It's a truly freeing space, isn't it?
I can see it. feel it. touch it.

I really love the word that Martha uses.. willingness.
Willingness is that space of accepting that with most of my the greatest decisions and faith steps, fear and discomfort will be present.
It's just honestly a fact.
But they will not always be there.
They are not a permanent fixture.. just an emotion. a feeling. a thought. a thing.

Acceptance and willingness.
Not fear and avoidance.

Can you see yourself living in that space of willingness?

What areas are you living inside avoidance of pain and discomfort?

What would you do if you stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?

Just some questions to ponder this beautiful Sunday...

Much much love and freedom to you...

xo

Amy

***Note on comments. 
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To offer freedom to you, my readers and friends...that you would find a safe place and a UN-obligated place here. 
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xo Amy