Sunday, November 25, 2012

Avoidance.




I get these little daily email bites from one of my favorite author's and life coaches, Martha Beck.

Normally, I just skim them, and take what jumps out at me, but last week I received one that made me think.
I was in a hurry, as I had 5 minutes to check my email before my kids needed to get up for the day... and this particular bite jumped out at me.

I saved it and it literally kept coming up in my thoughts all day long.

Here's is the quote... I LOVED THIS!

Once we’re willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. Where we used to think about what was “safe,” we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities.

Ask yourself this: What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?
Think of at least three answers.


~ The Willingness Factor: Learn to Avoid Avoidance


Everything inside me screamed YES!!

"Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, ( and not fear it ) we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear!"

Such the truth!!

This thought kept visiting me through out the day, I had to come back and read the entire article this excerpt came from.

It is on the topic of avoidance!

So so encourage you to click over and read the rest.. it was so good!

I have since been mulling this around inside...asking myself the questions...

What areas am I living inside of avoidance?
What areas am I living inside being "safe"?


To answer Martha's question.. What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?

I know what my life would look like if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain... it would look absolutely FREE!
Free to live inside the space of not questioning the hell out of ever single life choice... of following my heart completely.
I know there are areas that I walk inside this freedom, but I want to call out all the little areas that I continue to live inside avoidance in.

The word that comes to mind when I think of that word, "safe" is illusion.
That safe feeling isn't real.. it truly is an illusion of safe.
Because safety cannot be found externally, it has to be found internally.
Just like joy, peace and contentment.

After some life seasons of intense unknowns, I so see like never before how living a life of avoiding what I perceive as pain, is not a life of living inside freedom.
It's very dangerous and it is a life full of bewilderment to believe that unless my life is pain-free, then I am not living.. I am not happy... that there must be something I am doing wrong, something wrong with me, my life, my husband, etc...
So what I will end up doing is living a life of survival, and finding the next "high" of happy... or "high" of reaching this or that. But soon it fizzles and I have to start striving and working towards the next "high"..the next moment of reaching towards the illusive invisible carrot

I wonder a lot if many of our addictions comes from this survival space and the illusion that I am reaching for... this space of avoidance? ;)

I think there are a couple factors that play into that concept and that illusion... definitely our culture's message that happy is how you should always be, and if you are not, then something is wrong with you.
And of course all the marketing that says if I eat this, I will be happy.. if I have that, I will be happy, I am have this amount of money, I will be happy...etc..
And most definitely the religious stuff that says if you are not happy and don't have a pain free life then you are doing something wrong, or it's the devil or it's God's wrath, etc..
It's wild, because when I think of Jesus, I think the church would shun his suffering and pain.
Talk about a totally twisted message from the truth that even Jesus lived out.

But really, most generations past have known that life just has pain... life will be uncomfortable... you will have fear, but you just walk through life situations with it, and you don't let it hold you back.
Many cultures even today, they understand this truth.

In fact the definition of the word brave is not to have lack of fear, but to go where your heart is leading you despite the fear.

I am so ready to shed this delusional mindset.
And live inside the beautiful truth that life WILL BE uncomfortable... in fact, some of the greatest accomplishments are going to come with the greatest degree of fear and pain and discomfort.
I mean, think about giving birth...what beautiful fruit comes from hours, sometimes days of contractions, blood, pushing, intense pain... what incredible beauty comes from that?!!

I long to come into that complete space of no longer editing my words, actions and my life choices according to staying safe and letting fear rule...but of living inside the truth of the willingness to step towards where my heart leads. Accepting that the fact that fear will be present, and life will be uncomfortable and have pain.
It's a truly freeing space, isn't it?
I can see it. feel it. touch it.

I really love the word that Martha uses.. willingness.
Willingness is that space of accepting that with most of my the greatest decisions and faith steps, fear and discomfort will be present.
It's just honestly a fact.
But they will not always be there.
They are not a permanent fixture.. just an emotion. a feeling. a thought. a thing.

Acceptance and willingness.
Not fear and avoidance.

Can you see yourself living in that space of willingness?

What areas are you living inside avoidance of pain and discomfort?

What would you do if you stopped trying to avoid emotional pain?

Just some questions to ponder this beautiful Sunday...

Much much love and freedom to you...

xo

Amy

***Note on comments. 
I have made a choice to turn off the comments on this blog for now.
To offer freedom to you, my readers and friends...that you would find a safe place and a UN-obligated place here. 
Never feel because I comment on your blog, that you need to come and read and comment here. I don't want anybody to ever feel that way or to come here out of obligation.
But please come if you feel a connection and you find life here. 
I desire for this sacred space to be a place of authentic connection, and that is my heart..to authentically connect with you.

I DO love feedback and conversation. 
I would adore hearing from you...so if you would like to share something, please feel free to shoot me an email at amythefree@hotmail.com.

But again, please please be free to not comment as well.

My hope is always that you find hope and life here, but never duty and obligation.

xo Amy

 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Define me.



She walks.
Path in front.
Silence surrounds.
Her hand in His.

Today a restlessness is come.
Stirrings and agitation arise inside.
Questions of value. of belonging.
From deep inside a little voice asks..
"Define me.
Who am I?"

He looks at her. into her. deep deep.
Eyes burning with love. passion.
He says nothing.
Looks forward again and continues to walk.

Frustration.
Anger.
Bewilderment.
She says again.
"Define me."
Tell me... who am I?"

Again He looks at her.
Love turned to compassion.
Eyes burning.
Face ambivalent.
He says one word.
Gently.
Resolutely.
"No."
And looks forward again and continues to walk.

Desperation.
Fury.
Anguish.
She asks again.
and again.
"Define me.
Please... tell me.
Who am I?"

He looks again.
Seeing her desperation and condition.
Her cry for value and her addiction to definition.
He shakes His head and softly speaks.
"No.
No, my love.
I will not define you."

She cries.
Falling to her knees.
Grief.
Longing.
Aching.
Pleading...
"Please! Please!
Define me!
Please.. tell me who I am!
PLEASE!

This time, He stops.
Reluctant resolve He sighs.
He speaks.
Every vibration of His voice rings out a song of love and understanding.

He whispers...
so soft.
so sure.

"You are."

He smiles.
He waits.
He whispers again.

"My darling, YOU ARE.

You are all and everything.
You are light and you are dark.
You are sweet and you are savory.
You are summer and you are winter.
You are heaven and you are earth.

YOU ARE, my love.

You are.

You simply ARE.

You, see... to define you would be like you trying to define Me.
It is not possible.
It cannot be done because there are no words to define something that is indescribable.
I won't define you because I can't and I won't.
It would be a greatest cruelty to my beloved to do so and I will not do it.

You are all and everything."


She sighs.

Deep soul sighs... one, two, three.
Knowing sighs. resonating sighs.
Every word a breathe blowing out every flame of worry...every lie of inadequacy and un-belonging.


"Yes.
It's true.
I am."

She nods.
He smiles.

Her hand in His.
Turning toward the path again.
They walk.



xo
Amy

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Quick little music love post... ;)

Hi loves... just wanted to post my new favorite CD that I have on repeat these days...

Mumford and Sons... this is their song Babel.. oh man it's so good!

Love their unique sound and their words are so rich... ;)

Thought I would share some music loves today!






Babel
by Mumford & Sons


Cause I know that time has numbered my days
And I’ll go along with everything you say
But I’ll write home laughing, look at me now
Through the walls of my town, they come crumbling down

And my ears hear the call of my unborn sons
And I know that choices color all I’ve done
But I’ll explain it all to the watchman’s son
I never lived a year better spent in love

Cause I'll know my weakness, know my voice
And I'll believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is fast
But I’ll be borne without a mask

Like the city that nurtured my greed and my pride
I stretch my arms into the sky
I cry, Babel, Babel look at me now
Through the walls of my town, they come crumbling down

You ask where will we stand in the winds that will howl
As all we see will slip into the cloud
So come down from your mountain and stand where we’ve been
You know our breath is weak and our body thin

Press my nose up to the glass around your heart
I should’ve known I was weaker from the start
You’ll build your walls and I will play my bloody part
To tear, tear them down 
Well I’m gonna tear, tear them down

Cause I know my weakness know my voice
And I'll believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is fast
But I’ll be borne without a mask

XOXO

Amy

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Quote love...

Loved this...

"I want to know God's thoughts..
       the rest are mere details."

~ Albert Einstein

xo
Amy



Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 1 Meditation Challenge and Day 3 of unplugging from FB

Hi loves...

Have to tell you how my very first meditation time went this morning... I have been so freaking scared of meditation... full of fear of the spirits I would let inside my bubble of protection...

You remember that teaching? The one about opening up your spirit to evil and deceptive spirits if you entertain or participate in any eastern philosophy activity..i.e. meditation, etc.. even tho the Bible talks about meditating... but oh no, it's not the same kind of meditation.
Is there any other kind of meditation??
I mean, really?

Yeah.. that lil' fear has been very present...so I would take time to "be quiet", making sure to never call it meditation...just "being quiet" time.. lol!

But with looking on this next season, longing for more freedom, depth and clarity.. I knew I had to make a purposeful time and life for quiet.
For me, stepping away from Facebook was definitely in that equation.
To choose not to be allow it to distract me from what I know I need to step into... the quiet I have been deeply longing for, but so scared of at the same time.

I have been reading a book that I so recommend.. it's beautifully written and so practical.
It's a book by author Michael A. Singer called Untethered Soul.

Seriously highly recommend! It was SO incredibly insightful! My sis sent it to me, and I have so enjoyed the "ah ha" moments while reading it.

It has helped me understand more about fear and the functioning of the psyche.
Realizing that my Self and my Spirit have not been in the drivers seat of this life, but my lil' ego/psyche. It's trying it's hardest to do a job it was never meant to do... like manage, care and keep me safe.
That is utterly impossible... realizing I have been asking my psyche to do something that would be the equivalent of super natural, really isn't fair.
Really my Soul/Self and my Spirit are supposed to be in the drivers seat, and the psyche/ego is simply meant to be a tool, or an aide so to speak in this life journey.

Michael, of course, explains this so much better then I can. Again, highly recommend his writings in Untethered Soul. So so so good!


So, last week I received a email, and this 21 Day Meditation Challenge from Deepak Chopra.
And I thought... perfect timing.
 The longing inside to experience God outside of religion, and setting aside a purposeful time to just be and receive sounded Divinely sent.

Today was Day 1.

I had the idea of posting every day of my 21 Day Meditation Challenge, but honestly, it wouldn't happen. lol!
Just too much going on, but I will share as I can!

Thoughts from my time this morning...

I chose to use a guided meditation... one that I found by Deepak being as this is a challenge I am accepting from him.

If you are interested, it can be found here.
It's about 14 minutes long.

I began my meditation.. and as you breathe you are supposed to think the word "So" on your in-breath  and "Hum" on your out-breath.
Not say it, just think it.

My head was HILarious... it was all over the place, but it was really nice to know that all is as it should be, and I found it really centering to come back to So Hum.

As the time went by and there was just me and my little So Hum's... I could feel myself hoping that Deepak's voice would come back. I think I checked the time around 6 minutes, and closed my eyes again.

Focused back on my So Hum's... and then this wave of emotion came over me.
Tears came flooding to my eyes, and I found my breathing was hard to keep paced, so I let the tears fall and let my breathing change with the emotion.
Then the emotion left.
And I don't know how long it was between my first wave of tears and this next one, but again tears and emotion came rushing to my eyes... I just let the tears fall.
They came... and then they came some more.

Then all of sudden this big wave of gratitude came.. I could feel God with me and me so grateful He was there.
So precious and so near.
I just enjoyed that space.

Then all of a sudden the tears that had fallen, had fallen down my cheeks, then they reached my neck and started to tickle my neck, and I could NOT stand them sitting there anymore, so I brushed them away.. lol.

And then the time was done.

Wow.

I loved it so much... I have been so giddy. Just full of joy. (not that that isn't a big woo woo thing with me..) But the joy is deep..and I keep sighing.
I couldn't tell you why tears came, I just let them, and didn't judge them or ask questions.
I know when I come near to things that are Divine, it's my bodies one big response..tears.

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Did you take the 21 Day Challenge? If not, do you meditate? I would love to hear about your first time!

BIG hug.. and peace to you my friends..

xo

Amy

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Sunday loves and just randomness..

Morning to you, my lovies...




Just have a few minutes to spare before I start on my day.

~ First, we had our first official snow dusting here in CO!
It was so fun!

~ This is my favorite picture of the week... ;)



~ I start my new job today.. yeeks.

I am really excited...it's customer service based, and I am finding I have a really big passion for great customer service. I get so irked when a situation arises and somebody needs help, only to not got any, and to be treated like an inconvenience when they make a little noise to a employee.

Soooooo, I start that today. :)

~ Lots brewing in my heart that I will write as I can... I have more family coming into town next week, with a full week of work, and a house to prep for them.

I did unplug from Facebook again. I had been drawn back in because I felt I needed to promote and market my photography business. Felt like I had a pretty good handle on it, but then, low and behold, my head is noisy again, I have started to distract myself with it again... it's just time to unplug from it again.

Originally I just did the de-activate my FB account option, but yesterday decided to take the plunge and just completely delete my account.

I keep on seeing myself living life away from it... like little snippets and glimpses into the person I know I am and want to continue to evolve into. And this Amy isn't distracted, but she is purposeful and present.

Do you ever see that?

It's something new that has begun to happen with me living more from my heart... I have always caught pictures and I can see scenarios play out when it comes to people I just meet, or God or even my own loved ones. Like little movies of things that have happened in their life and deep gut intuitions and knowings about them.
But these glimpses of myself are new.
I catch these little snippets of myself... and now I understand it's my spirit and my heart showing me what living from my heart's desire would look like.
Being so visual, it's a powerful motivation... to actually catch glimpses of what it would look like for me to live fully present, living in freedom and wholeness.

And part of that is seeing myself less plugged into virtual/internet land, and more being present and living in real life land ;)

~Oh and I loved this post by Kind Over Matter.. so so good. So resonates what is in my own heart.

~ Aaaaand I am so drooling over this recipe for Double Crunch Honey Garlic Chicken..


I must make it tonite for dinner! I just must!

~ And the very last thing I wanted to share was something that I am so excited about.. I adore Deepak Chopra.. and he is having a 21 Day Meditation Challenge starting tomorrow... I am so looking forward to this. I know I need it.. a.l.o.t.
Here is the linkie to that too if you are interested.. The 21 Day Meditation Challenge.
It's free, and that's so nice too :)

... ok, have to scoot! I have my sunshine boy up and he is roaring to go this morning.

Loves and a beauty-filled Sunday to you...

xo

Amy

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Some Rumi love...

mmmm.... soaking this in today....


You embrace some form
saying, "I am this."

By God, you are not this
or that or the other

you are "Unique One"
         "Heart-ravishing"

you are throne and palace and king
you are bird and snare and fowler

like water in jar and river
are in essence the same

you are spirit are the same

you every idol
prostrates
before you

your every thought-form
perishes
in your formlessness."


~Rumi



xo

Amy