Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I love...



Talking to my sister yesterday about love in marriage, love in intimate relationships... and she said something that so resonated in my heart. 


Love.. authentic love chooses to love the other as a whole.

the yin and the yang... 
the light and the darkness. 
the strength and the weakness.
the contrast.
the sparkly parts and the shadows.

When we love and accept the other as a whole, the love and freedom we offer each other is completely un-fathomable...it's so vast and self-less.

We offer freedom... in it's truest and purest form.

And those very things that we love, adore and that drew us to the other, their strengths, their shiny sparkly parts... all of them have contrasts. 

There is always a contrast to every strength.

For me, when I think of my own relationship... the very things I adore in my hub, his contrast to those strengths are the very things that drive me nuts!
And him me, of course.. ha ha! 
;)


It's funny because alot of the times that I have said, "I love you".. what I have been really saying is..
 "I just love the shiny sparkly parts of you..the parts I deem as "good", and the "other" parts, eh... not so much."

But that's not love then, is it?


That is some kind of half-truth, conditional, self gratifying love.


And along with that, there is always this striving and trying to change the other person...

or appeasing or altering things in the environment to make those dark areas go away. 
The agitation of their shadows...scraping, grating on something inside of me....but me never asking myself why their shadows and contrasts agitate.

hmmm... ouch.

Instead, what Love says is...

I love you. 
All of you. 
Every part... 
light and dark.
I embrace it ALL.

I. just. simply. love. YOU.

The freedom inside this love is that I can step back from my having to change you. or the environment or whatever it is that makes me uncomfortable.
I can enjoy you.
and know that God has you.
He is with you.
You hash our your journey. and I hash out mine.
Embracing the ashes and the beauty.
The wounds and the healing.
And we get to just love each other.
Realizing that without one there wouldn't be the other ;)

Practicing this takes such a weight off.
It's honestly the greatest relief! 




Just to unfold this further and share where this has gone in the last, oooh 24 hours, 
I have been practicing this love and acceptance inside myself. 

Learning to accept me wholly.

It's intense accepting the areas that religion taught me to despise and shove down and control.
And I am finding I have some MAJOR walls in this area.
Slam. 
But after my conversation with my sister, this truth has domino'd itself inside me... and I am wondering if this is one of my walls.

If I can't offer this to my precious life partner.. my children.. my mom and dad.. my siblings.. my friends..
then.
How in the world can I offer it to me?
I can't.

It's the whole. 

It isn't possible to offer it to only some, and not to others. 

It's like... making peace to HAVE peace.

Making peace with all things, in order to be filled to overflowing with peace inside.

You cannot contain or nurture peace inside until you MAKE peace with all the areas internally and externally that you are at war with.

My eyes are being open to how great and how powerful LOVE truly is.

I long for it in all places inside me.

But if Love asks me to love and accept my own light and darkness.
Realizing that without one, there would not be the other.
Then it also asks me to love and accept all those in my life.

wow.

That's a hard one. because there are people that I don't want to offer that too.
Like my Egypt land... the people who scowl and criticize.
Yep.

Loves says even them.

But really, if I can take a few steps back, I know that I can say I am grateful for religion because without it, I would not know the life and breath of freedom.

Finding the contrast to the shadow, so to speak.

(deep breath)

I am so thankful for these truths.
When I slam into those walls in those areas I long so deeply for freedom in.
I cry.
I slam my fists against them asking WHY!
Why can't I get this?

God, I am so thankful for answers to those unspoken heart groans.
So thankful.

And questions I am mulling around inside...

Why does my husband's contrast grate on me?
What is in me that wants to repel that contrast in him?
What does it trigger?
Why the discomfort?

Hard questions for me to answer.
Really hard.

Like, my brain freezes up and a big ol' cloud of nuttin' comes.. ha!

sigh.

Learning and walking..

Would so love your thoughts, if any come up in you.

Loves to you, my precious friends..

xo

Amy the Free

Adding this.. Rain posted this song in the comments.. it's spot on with this post.. big whoa.






"Everything"

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style

I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone

Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.

I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.


You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here


I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.


You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here


What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know

What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go


I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known

I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known

I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes.

6 comments:

  1. brave, true words, love.

    have you heard the song "everything" by alanis morrisette?

    ....

    "Everything"

    I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
    I can withhold like it's going out of style
    I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
    Who is as negative as I am sometimes

    I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
    I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
    I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
    And you've never met anyone
    Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

    You see everything, you see every part
    You see all my light and you love my dark
    You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
    There's not anything to which you can't relate
    And you're still here

    I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
    My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
    I'm terrified and mistrusting
    And you've never met anyone as,
    As closed down as I am sometimes.

    You see everything, you see every part
    You see all my light and you love my dark
    You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
    There's not anything to which you can't relate
    And you're still here

    What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
    What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

    I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
    I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
    I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
    And you've never met anyone
    Who is as everything as I am sometimes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. goosebumps... listening right now.
      I think I need to add this to the post.
      Thankyou, love.
      beautiful.

      Delete
  2. powerful post my friend!
    I love it
    I recently was going over these very thoughts in a workshop i attended...
    loving...true loving, authentic loving, unconditional loving means loving that which is unlovable...within us, within others, within our lives
    and this my friend is a life long practice
    not only has there been religious damage for people like us, there is a societal damage places before us everyday!!!
    You don't like it...get rid of it
    you don't like it....up grade
    you don't like it...walk away
    it takes too long...change your mind

    these are mantras that are circulating our media air waves along with many more, over and over and over again....

    here are some thought on your questions... could be way off so leave what does not apply : )

    Why does you husbands contrast grate on me? Because it is different, we are not taught to embrace different, we are taught conformity which is completely again our humans nature...we are conditioned to fight what is uncomfortable, we are taught to fear what is different, It think that is even more so in your country...did you know that only 18% of Americans have a passport while %60 of Canadians do? Just an interesting statistic to ponder....

    What is it in you that want to repel that contrast? My belief is that indeed it is not YOU per say but a conditioning places on you...thus you, I , can take responsibility for this conditioning and transform it...remembering that everything everything everything is spiritual....So feel freedom in knowing this is not you but something that has been placid on you, something that can be transformed into Love

    What does it trigger? The feeling of discomfort because it is not the same...the feelings of fear and lack of control and of course these thought wrap into your last question....

    Amy
    stay our of our brain..go to your heart
    there lies all the answers
    you have them all
    if your brain freezes...leave it, go to the place that is always warm, willing and waiting for you to access your truth...

    thank you for the prompt today
    it has fed my soul as well
    hope it does that same for you
    love you!!!

    love and light

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat... thankyou thankyou for your thoughts.. I am excited for the unfolding of this. I have had walls in accepting and loving myself, and the answer inside this insight is that you can't have "some" love... you have it ALL! The whole. I so agree... been mulling this around and around in my heart.. screw my head.. ha ha... it has no clue what to think of it all. But my heart is unraveling it.
      It is still a bittersweet seed for me.. I so hear you on our culture also speaking that.. no, shouting that conformity and comfortable message. Quick fixes and bandaids and numbing agents. Oooh yeah!

      You have given me some more to throw in the mix.. ha! LOVE it.. and LOVE you!

      xoxo

      Delete
  3. I LOVE Alanis Morsette ( Oh and Rain- I finally left a response to your comment- THANK YOU!)
    Amy: This was a lovely reminder of the needs of our soul to be wholly and completely embraces in all our different layers. This weekend I realized I have a lot of different aspects of self that make up me....and that just because I am One at a moment (like enjoying star wars) does not mean I am not the other (enjoying the Audrey Hepburn style or Grace Kelly sophistication) or Bohemian decor and style or the Avengers Comicon stuff or Einstein theories or Philosophical debates and Rene Descartes or Native American Spirituality or Art or WHatever! You get the idea! I realized ALL of these things do not negate the truth in the other ones. I am all of this and more..layer upon complex layer of interests, intelligence, belief and heart. If I deny one - I deny the other. If I only embrace one I forget the other parts of myself...Anyway, I guess that is off tangent but I felt like lately I was portraying only one part of who I am and realized I need to love and embrace/portray the others too within my whole heart.
    I loved this post as usual. Thanks for the inspiration and my hubby will read this too. The very things I love about him are also the things that drive me nute...The beauty of the flaw...the flaw of the beauty:)
    Love!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful Amy. Today I had to embrace a part of me I rarely see, the downright deepest parts of anger. But it was anger about really mean people, I had had enough and said a few things as I shared my thoughts with my husband. My words weren't about him or directed at him, it was about someone and something else, but boy was I mad. and I accepted that, said what I needed to say and be done with it. Instead of bottling it up and hiding that part of me, I embraced me.

    ReplyDelete