Firstly, for my friend Kmarie.. wanted to show a couple pictures of our beautiful view just right outside our window :)
I adore these mountains.. I was telling my daughter how moody they are ;)
Some days they are so clear and fresh, other days they are completely covered up, and then other days they are hazy... not quite hidden but not out in the open either. They are just amazing!
Love driving every morning with them right in front me :)
We had some rain yesterday, and the mountains were so so clear!
Had to take a shot!
Sorry about the power lines :)
Ok, so onward on to the topic of this blog post..
I don't know if you remember this post.
It was a post about a really big life choice that I made after another attempt at attending a church service with my husband this past summer.
You see, my hub has no difficulty with going to church. He loves it, he isn't set back by it, and it encourages him.
Me, on the other hand, it does.
Over the past 4 years, as a act of love and support, I have tried over and over again to attend church with my hub.
And everytime, I walk away totally set back, filled with terror and doubt, and just plain a mess!
It triggers all that doubt stuff inside me, and I begin to question everything I have learned while being outside of religion.
So, I was driving the other day, thinking about the past years on this journey, and it came to me...
I don't think I will ever be able to go back.
Not a surprise to a lot of people I am sure, but to me that was a bit of a big moment for me.
I feel like Neo and the scene in the movie The Matrix with Morpheus...
"Morpheus to Neo: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
I took the red pill!
I am too awake!
And when I think about going back to organized religion, I think, there is no freaking way I can.
I know too much.
It's all man made.
It was never meant to be that way.
We were supposed to live life in relationship with our Creator and that's it.
Not this crazy cage that we have been made to believe is the only way to have relationship with God.
It's funny looking back and remembering all the prayers I prayed and my church prayed for revival..
I believe this is it.
But nobody can see it because they think it's supposed to take place inside the cage.
I know that is such religious terminology, so call it what you will... revival, a mass awakening, enlightment..
It's all the same.. God is awakening people that are inside the cage AND out to truth and freedom.
And I am so grateful for that...so very grateful.
I live in a city that has sooooo many churches... literally every street corner.
Colorado Springs is the hub of almost every Evangelical Christian ministry there is.
I drive by and see all the many different types of services and programs they offer to draw people in...
these super modern and cool looking pastors with the little tattoos and fohawks.
They have even started to say words like damn and hell in their sermons..kind of with a shock jock genre in mind.. for shock value and coolness, you know?
And all I see anymore is a cage... a cage that they have decorated to try and look like the wild.
All wall papered on the inside with grass, and fields... and everyone get's their own treadmills to run on.
A movie that reminds me of this is the cute Disney animation, Madagascar..
When Marty the zebra is running on his treadmill and imagining the wild as he looks at his painting of the wild.
It's the same thing.
I imagine them saying at the cage door... come inside.. look see.. it looks just like freedom!
It looks like the wild.. come inside.
Knowing that there is just no way I could go inside.
The freedom that is here outside the cage... how could I go back?
How could I sit there and take in all that false teaching and poison?
I would have to suppress myself again.... and conform...and die a slow death.
Religion is man made. All of it.
Is God a part, yeah I think it probably started with God...and a experience with God that a man had.
But then that man took his experience that was meant just for him, and he tries to re-create it.
The surroundings, the sounds, the actions of what he was doing at that very moment of his God experience, his actual position that he was in when it happened, etc..
and then he begins to tell people about this experience... and that they too can experience God as he did if they follow this formula.
THAT is the man made part. THAT is the cage. THAT is religion.
When all along that experience was between that one man and God. period. done. end of story.
Another thing about religion that I am learning is it has very little to do with the heart/spirit and everything to do with the ego/head.
And I am reminded so often, God's ways are not ego's ways.
God's ways are spirit.... ALL spirit.
And in spirit nothing is earned. It isn't works driven, it just is.
And religion is all about works and what you can DO to reach God and to earn His favor and gaze.
And that, my friends, is ego.
And ego is not God.
How could I go back to that?
I can't. and. I won't.
Freedom comes from living from your heart/spirit, and I want that so deeply and ferousiously.
I want to cultivate spirit, not ego.
I want to surround myself with those things that contribute to my heart/spirit.
And that includes where I spend my time, what I think on, who I choose to be in relationship with, etc..
Just a big "ah ha" moment I wanted to share with you.