Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Such a fine line..

Worry
_____________________________

Faith







Such a teeny, tiny line that goes between them.


It's so faint, that one can jump from faith to worry in just a matter of a thought.


This is something that I am starting to see more clearly as my hub and I walk in a season of "unknowns".
 The choice to walk in faith.
and
The choice to walk in worry.

Something that I am seeing clearer and clearer is how fast it can happen.

It literally happens in one thought.

One decision.

One step.

A couple nights ago, I was tucking in my sweet Josiah.






He is SUCH a thinker.
Very quick to worry and get stuck in it.

He was upset about something that was really important to his tender, 10 year old heart.
He was stuck in the cycle of worry and could not get out of it.
We talked about worry, and what are some of the things he can do to solve or maybe help his concern.

He looks at me and asks... " Mom, what is worry?"


He is SO visual, like his momma, so word pictures speak so clearly to him :)

This is what came flying out of my mouth.

 "Bud, worry is when your brain tells you scary stories about life that are not true...and that is all they are.  Just scary stories."


And as fast as I said it, peace came over his heart, and he was ready for sleep.

And I walked away blinking in profound awe that I just spoke something so profound.. ha ha ha!
Because honestly, I didn't know this myself.
Isn't that amazing when the answers to our own questions bubble up out of NO were, and come flying out of our own mouth??

I think what it did for him and I was de-mystify something that we feel so out of control about.

Worry = is when I believe the scary stories that my mind is telling me.

That's all it is.

And the choice is... do I believe the stories or not?

And when I choose to not believe the stories that worry is telling me, what do I believe then?

~~ Faith


I recently read the most simple and gorgeous definition to faith.


Faith is believing what my eyes cannot see, but what my heart knows to be true.



As I walk through my days, I think on these words a lot.
I think it's because they bring my heart so much hope.
Because truth is I do know what my heart sees.
God has whispered and birthed His stories and truth inside my heart.
:)

They are stories of hope.. they are desires and dreams that bubble up in me, and I am so filled with joy. peace. life.

Faith carries these stories of truth, of desire, of dreams, of hope.
And when I step into these stories of truth and hope, I am filled with contentment, peace, and a full on joy for all life has for the moment.


This is what is bubbling up in my heart today.
The more I live from my heart, the more I feel like a spectator to the workings of my mind.
It's such a wild experience, I don't think I can explain it any better then that.


One day in particular, I was deep into the grasp of worry..
Fear had gripped me.. I was deep in the pit of all the what if's of our future, and all that I might not get to in time..
It painted a story full of despair and terror.

Then I heard a voice... it shot clear through my fears and worrying.

"You know.. you don't have to stay here.
Just step over here."

And literally, I could see it... more so I could FEEL it.
And like turning a channel or taking a step from one side to the other, there I was.
Wrapped in a story that was completely opposite of what I was worrying about.
I stepped into hope.

It was one of those God experiences, where He enabled me to see it, touch it, feel it,
and just like that...
snap.
I stepped out of the hell of worry that I was in, and right into hope...into faith.


Worry still comes, and fear still come to grip my heart.
I honestly have to be very vigilant over my heart because I sense worry so close to me at times.
But it doesn't overtake me anymore.
I cry. I feel. I talk to Papa about it. I listen to music that centers me and reminds me of truth. I journal. I talk it out with my hub or a dear friend. I ask to be reminded of the truth.
I ask for God's help to get me back into faith.... and it comes.
It always comes.






Beautiful faith.

xo

Amy

12 comments:

  1. I loveeeeee this.. and I get this. I'm a worrier supreme, in the clutches of it at the moment, actually and I read your words that you gave to your son and I felt the peace. You are a healer woman with your words and your sharing. Thank you so much for these posts of yours. I always get something out of them xo

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    1. Oh Glynis.. so grateful this brought your heart hope and encouragement today.. Thanks so much for your words here.. I adore sharing life and the lessons that I am learning along the way with my friends. I love that you come and take the time to read them... means the world to me!
      Love that we can share and encourage one another!
      xo

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  2. sooo truuuue. i worry waaay too much. and i know it. i love what you said to Josiah. i'm going to walk around with that in my heart today. i've been hearing so many scary stories from my mind recent. so many. and it's about time i start recognizing them as that. just stories. that can't hurt me. i really believe that the fear of something...suffering, loss, some kind of grief...is usually much worse than it's actual realization. so if one of those "scary stories" ends up coming true, it's not as bad as our mind makes it out to be. i think one of the main reasons for that is because we are given GRACE in the moment when we need it. we're not given it in advance. we can get through anything that comes our way, but we're not given that grace and help until we need it. just gotta have faith that it will come as soon as we do need it. i woke up with these words from a hymn drifting through my mind: "help me to walk aright, more by faith, less by sight." and that's what i want. just let go of these worries and fears...clinging to hope and faith.

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    1. It TOTALLY makes way for what our hearts REALLY long for and thrive in.. Hope and Faith :) Worry and fear squelch life, and hope and faith breathe life <3

      Love you, sweets... xo

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  3. beautiful
    such truth
    such vulnerability
    such poetic heart songs!
    I too always find gifts in the words you write Amy
    truth is found in the simplest of things
    this I have found to be true

    ♥♥♥

    love and light

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    1. Hi lovie.. you adorable, sweet, breather of life you!

      Truth IS found in the simplest of things.. INDEED!

      Love you!

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  4. "One day in particular, I was deep into the grasp of worry..
    Fear had gripped me.. I was deep in the pit of all the what if's of our future, and all that I might not get to in time..
    It painted a story full of despair and terror. "
    I had this the other day. Very terrifying. Sleep affects me deeply when this happens. I need more sleep...yet I get what you are talking about too in faith- to take a step in not worrying. This was beautiful and I love that you found some freedom...

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    1. I think there is the practical element that you bring here, K... when I am tired, I am more ept to be weak in the areas that I am normally strong in. Or hormonal is another one.
      The other night was one of those nights.. my hub was gone out of town, and I was exhausted and had a night full of dinner, bathing kids, getting them to bed, etc etc.. and I was pooped!
      I felt despair creeping up on me, and I thought to myself.. wait a sec.. I am totally tired. I am not going to push myself tonite and stay up later then I need to.. I am going to get my kids to bed, and then get to bed myself.
      I did. and the next morning I felt myself again.
      you are so right... Love you!

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  5. Love you too Amy;) love you too.

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  6. Very well articulated, Amy...as usual! I love hearing you think through all these things that most of are struggling with, too. Worry is ever present on our minds, but sometimes we just need to set it aside and let it be.

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    1. Such the truth, Stacy!! Thankyou for stopping, my friend.. always love hearing your voice!

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