Wednesday, June 13, 2012

A place to start.. Part 3

I have decided to do something that I haven't had the courage to do..something that has been a desire, but not quite ready to come forth.

Something I have noticed as a kind of a trend in the Bible.... a thread that weaved through the entire book is a theme.... Stories of people experiencing God.

Over and over again... from the very start of the book.

Adam and Eve 
Cain and Able
Isaac and Jacob

Just to name a few.....

For a very long time these ordinary people had no Tora or Bible to compare or size up their experiences with God with.

Some had no religion at all, while others practiced pagan rituals...sacrificing their young to different gods.

But God came.

It didn't matter to Him.

He came and met with each one.

They were experiences that were individual to each person, in their time and in their culture.

I was raised to believe that any experience I ever have with God HAS to line up with the Bible.
It had to have happened to someone else, or line up with some scripture, or match up with some "God experience" formula.
And if it didn't line up with all of the above, I ran the great risk of  having an experience with the devil as an "angle of light".

But what of these other people?
What of the people who didn't have a book to confirm their experiences with God?
What of the people who had nothing to compare them too?

Where their experiences with God not valid? 

The Bible says that God is no respecter of persons.
That He loves all His children equally.
What He will do for one, He will do for the other.

So how am I any different then Moses or Abraham?

See, I don't believe that I am any different then any one of the men or women of the Bible.
I don't believe that my experiences with God have to line up to any book..because they are just that.
MY experiences with God.. therefore they will be completely different to anybody else's experience with Him.


I made a decision..

After my last 2 posts on religion, I have decided I am throwing everything I have been told about God out.



I am letting it all go.
Releasing it.
It has brought me here to this place in my journey, and for that I am so grateful.

But for now, in this season in my journey I have to let it all go.

Everything I have read.
Everything I have ever been told about God.
They have to go.

They are not mine.
They are beautiful stories, but I can never own them because they never happened to me.

So, I took out a clean piece of paper.

And I titled it:

What I know and have experienced personally about God.

And I wrote.
My experiences.
All the beautiful thoughts my Papa has spoken to my heart and my journey.
His whispers and the songs He has sung to me.
To me. Not to anybody else. Just me and my Papa.

And it feels amazing.

The letting go, and the embracing what I know, that I know, that I know, because IT IS MINE.
Nothing can shake them from me.
There is no fear in what God has shown me of Himself in the intimacy of my relationship with Him.
I have realized the terror that would come over me, always connected back to what others told me about God.
But when I would hold it up to what I have personally experienced with God, it never matched.
Religion never matched this God.. this beloved Creator, Friend, Papa that I know.

(big sigh and tears)

I can see now why I will never have to be afraid again.

Desiring this for so long, but not feeling ready for it until now.

I am still adding to my list as I remember. :)

I have to tell you, this is one of the greatest freedom's I have ever felt.
To know that I don't have to make something "fit" inside a box of someone else's thoughts and words is absolute freedom.

I feel healing and wholeness coming to my heart in places that have been aching for a very long time.

Sweet release.

                                                                    Source: David Hayward




  1. YAY. How beautiful. The best thoughts to be in your journey are from you:)

    1. K... love you! I know you so get this!

  2. It's so amazing when you think of all the profound, but true things you wrote above! It convicts me of just how prejudiced my own faith is, my own perception of God is, how my idea of God is influenced so much by the opinions of education, pastors, teachers, and the bible itself. Jesus is the living Word, and He lives in me, in you, and if what we can know about God doesn't come from Him revealing it to me (you!) directly then I wonder if it's valid at all.

    I applaud your bold launching out into this journey. You are a dear friend, yet we never met. Somehow, I feel as though we've always known each other. In Him, we have.

    1. Ed, my friend :)

      Your comment leaves me choked up... wow. wow. wow.

      You are spot on.. Christ IN us is enough. He made it enough didn't He? :)

      Love you.. thankyou for your vulnerability and kindness.

  3. Love love love my friend. Absolutely beautiful.

    1. Loves to you, Starla :) Can't wait to see you soon soon!

  4. this is so wonderful! i think it would be a very healing thing for me to do that too. it might also help me solidify what i actually believe and know for sure. and maybe that would bolster some extra hope and peace inside my soul...

    i'm so glad to be a part of your life and journey. much love.

    1. Rae.. I am so elated this spoke to you too. I know we come from similar upbringings, and the weight of the message that was sown into our hearts goes really deep. Love you... so love the freedom you are continuing to dare to walk in.

      So grateful for you too... xo

  5. wow sister
    this is awesome
    interesting enough i have experiencing the same sense of letting go
    your post just validated and affirmed my own thoughts this week
    I too want to be free
    and I too have pondered that knowing that this is my truth
    my walk belongs to me
    who can really judge that???
    I am so sick of judgment
    truth is Amy the two most judgmental places i have ever experienced is church and a cult I was part of in my early twenties...go figure!
    I like your thoughts on this so much friend and I am proud of you for putting it out there
    your voice is so beautiful
    your truth even more so
    your walk inspiring
    your journey real
    these are the reasons I love you so and am so glad to have connected with you : )
    wow sister
    you rock!!!!

    love and light

    1. Cat, I LOVE that you are hearing the same thing :)

      It's true tho... unfortunately church and religion is where I have found to be the most critical and judgmental places as well.

      There is a picture that I LOVE that I have to share on here.. you are gonna love it too..but truly life is found outside ALL cages and boxes :)
      We were created to walk this life in the freedom of the wild with our Papa God. It's that simple.

      You inspire me, and you pull things out of me ALL the time too.. love you, friend.. so grateful for you!


  6. AMY!! This is one of the most beautiful things I have read since my journey OUT. THANK you for posting this!! I believe I am very close to doing the same thing!! I *love* you friend. You are an inspiration to me. I can't wait to read the comments as I have been finding them very helpful/inspiring as well. Cheers dear sister. Patti

    1. Patti! So makes me happy that this encourages you!

      Much much love and life to your journey!

  7. Amy. This was amazing. Incredible and if you don't mind, I'm going to follow your example with writing down my experiences, personal ones with God. This was the most profound thing on this subject that I have read and I'm so exited by it. You blew my mind. Yes, the church judges. Wow, does it. when I was 11 and newly a minister's daughter one of the church elders was chastising me for not joining the choir and being a proper minister's daughter and leading by example. My sister tore a strip off her telling her we were not hired to be the preacher, our father was. she said my job was to be a kid. I was so grateful to her for having those kinds of guts. The pressure remained through the years and the judgment continued but I rebelled big time and kissed every boy who wanted to make out, behind the church, with fury. Religion damaged me more than anything else I think.. it is truly time to break free. Thank you so much for your honesty and your sharing of this. xoxo

    1. Glynis.. what a gift your sister gave you that day! Wow!
      All the silly expectations that are put on people, and then SOME on the leaders and their families are pure ridiculous!

      Please do make your own list.. I hope other's do the same, and we keep coming back to them until they are forever etched and engraved in our hearts.

      Love you friend!