Monday, June 18, 2012

Life randomness

Prepare for random life mish mosh :)

Oh man, I adore this quote!
I want to love what I do.
I want my hubby to love what he does.
That's not the hard part.
The hard part is the finding out WHAT you love.
Ooooooo Nellie... that IS the intense part.


I love this scripture.

I feel very blind these days... in totally unfamiliar land, on a totally unfamiliar path.
Lots of stones and steps and blind corners.

Whether or not God really leads us or not, I don't know right now, today.. I have lots of questions about this.
I want to believe He does.
But this scripture brings me comfort because I have no fucking idea where I am or where I am going.
Having a bit of a freak out day today, and I am totally not sure what I believe anymore about this whole "following my heart and what I love" journey.
I just don't know.
But that scripture brings me some comfort.


This is my morning view.
I love it.


Our sweet Sammy dog had a really scary seizure yesterday.... ugh.
Did not like that at ALL.
Hoping it was just the weather or something he ate.
Poor guy.
I am trying not to worry about him.. 
But that was really scary.


 These flowers make me happy, and I love them.


Gosh what a totally grumpy post.
Not the happiest energy here.. just having a really shitty day.

Been trying to keep my eyes on the goal, and not freak out about the lack of job, and now the lack of money, but woo wee it's hard today.

Sometimes I get tired of being the strong one and having the happy disposition.. 
I feel like I am pulling up my husband constantly, and today I just can't and am not going to do it.
I honestly love hope. I love joy. I love peace. 
I love the thought that the Divine will bring us to what we truly love and what would bring joy to our hearts.
Today I have doubts. I don't know if it's true.
Does God partner with us? Or does He let us take the reigns and away we go.
I don't know today.
I want to believe that we get to partner with Him...but I really don't know.
I am a bit of a mess today.
Think I am lonely too.
Miss my sister alot. Don't miss Arizona tho.
Just down today... and needed to just post some randomness, and vent a bit.


That's  all.

Tomorrow will be shiny-er. 




  1. I already commented on facebook. But just wanted to send you ((hugs)). Your uplifting comments have been so encouraging for me and Haley, I'm not sure I have that same gift, but I too hope that tomorrow will be shinier. We waited for almost 3 months for my job to come through, it's scary living on the credit card and sending out application after application. But I did finally get a job that fits me and my life pretty well, and I am even getting more hours than my boss initially promised! Between that, and savings and now food stamps, we are making it just fine. Sometimes when you are starting over from scratch you need more help and more time than you'd maybe like, but what else are help and time for than a time like this?

    1. Mel, thankyou so much for your words here... so appreciate you sharing.
      I did decide to do the same thing, and get us some food help. I figure, why the heck not! lol! I paid into that for a long time, and now I am just withdrawing some of my deposits.. lol!

      After reading everybody's comments, I felt a shift towards hope again.
      Faith came to my mind.. the true definition of it is truly to hope in what we do not see yet in our minds eye, but we can see it in our hearts.

      Thankyou my friend.. and you and Haley are seriously amazing and so full of courage. Your story has been an inspiration to me to continue to pursue wholeness and living from the authenticity of WHO I really am.
      Loves to you both!

  2. Ok Not grumpy. Just processing. A lot of people are going though transition. As for your view- gorgeous! hmmmm...You need to find what you believe and I can not tell you- however for me- my practical side believes in making the mundane beautiful. We all cant have jobs we love but we can have life we love and get through the rest. The mystical side of me believes that we can absolutely find some jobs or things that fulfill us. For me it is a bit of both and whenever I get caught up in one mentality my other paradox pulls at me.
    Poor puppy and poor you for this day. Dont apologize for it. We all have days like this. Or weeks or months or years... I would be freaking out too. Its hard to have the sunny disposition- I would not know from personal experience but I know from my hubby- he is the one with that shoulder to carry and I know sometimes he just needs a break.
    my relationship with the Divine is very complicated to explain but for me I would say that the mystical power partners in some things- like we sometimes get affirmation or encouragement or unexpected inspiration but we are not robots and part of the beauty is that there is no set plan but we make the set plan and we are supported as long as it is in the realm of love. Whatever is beautiful or loving is fine. IT does not have to be one goal for life or one way to be. Think outside the box for your family's solution. Then also allow community and others to aid. It's a mix of partnership and solo ness. Do you get what I am trying to say? The Divine is there to whisper peace and comfort but that does not necessarily mean we will have a set path or an easy time. Sometimes it is the power of Karma or repition that we get mixed up as God's voice. For example- when we buy a certain type of car we suddenly see it everywhere or when we get pregnant we suddenly see that path everywhere or when we hear of a town and next week that same town that we never heard of before is referenced. It's the power of attraction. It happens in the Universe but it does not mean it's God's voice. It's the Universe speaking and sometimes it helps to listen but it is important not to get it confused with the "will of God." As christians we were brought up to believe in "the will of God" with verses like "For I know the plans I have for you..." But in context these simply mean the plans to live a life fully of love to give us hope and not despair. Instead we think there is this all consuming plan and if we tary from it we will "miss out" That leads to despair. There are so many Divine ways to live a life. So many ways to change a life. We were given choice first and for most. Which is actually tougher to live by. Choice. It puts us in the responsible place and the mystical place. It's confusing. It's searching. It's finding. But it is WAY more rewarding in the end too
    This probably is not helping at all. Do you need a phone call? Email me at the pce...addy if you do with your phone number as I forgot where I put it and a time this week. Ok?
    Love you

    1. K, thankyou for this! I would LOVE LOVE to chat, but don't have a landline right now.. ugh! So you skype? I should email you! I will do that.

      Thankyou for sharing here.. it helps me in my processing out. I continue to hash out my views of God, and just exactly what does that mean to me. What is my Truth, etc... I love your world view so much, so YES, everything you shared DOES help me so much.

      Love you friend.. will email you my info so we can connect.. xoxo

  3. I'm sorry you're having a shitty day :( be a mess. get really messy. howl, scream, pound it out into the earth. that's what i do when the day is realllly shitty. the earth takes it from me. venting is good. much love to you xoxoxo

    1. Glynis.. thankyou thankyou for this reminder. I resist emotions alot, and just to remember that I don't have to label them good or bad is so HUGE to walking through them.

      I love you friend.. thankyou for your genuine and authentic heart.


    2. I resist them too!! but when I remember and do the stomping and so on, oh the freedom that follows. xoxo