Thursday, March 29, 2012

And so she danced….



                                                                           Source

And So She Danced

And so she danced, through the fear and through the pain
Innocence upon her face again she twirled into the rain

And so she held, heartache now healed, safe arms for her to claim
He held her even tighter, he held her in the rain

She lay upon the sand, the water danced upon her skin
He kissed the softness of her self and held her once again

Sand between her toes the shore that saw their love
He took her there on the beach, the moon witnessed from above

And there upon the sand, her arms stretched above her head
He held her hands in his and promised every word he said

A kiss upon each eye, your tears are washed away
Her cries washed into the water on that beach where she lay

And so she danced, deeper into the silence of the blue
And as she called your name she knew you felt it too

He carried from those waters and promised all is right
And taking her once again, he held her through the night

She held her breath and ran her hands, through the wetness of the sand
A gentle kiss upon her lips, he gently took her hand

His body moved with hers, his eyes led her to a trance
And beneath the stars, within the ocean, she danced, she danced.

~ by Rebecca K. Hetter

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Thousand Years....

First time my daughter had me listen to this song, I fell into a mess of tears.

Every time I hear it. I cry.
It resonates so deep within me.
Of Love so great...so deep...so intense.
Of Love that has come to me.
Me.
Little, small me.
Of Love that has waited and longed for me.

It speaks of my own fear of Love and of being loved.
Of vulnerability as I step INTO Love.
Divine Love.

<3

Immortal and wordless.
Formless and complete.
Whole.

I wanted to share it with my journey sisters.
May it speak to your heart as much as it has spoken to mine.

I can't help but soar when I hear it.
I dance.
I soar.
Everything in me speaks YES.
Come, Love.
I need you so desperately.
Every fiber of my being.

When I listen to this... the verses are me.
My worries, my fears, my apprehensions.
And the chorus is Love...my Yahweh....
His steadfast, strong and beautiful Love for me.
So sure. So focused.
Never stopping. Never changing. 

:)

One step closer.

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri




A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more


And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more




Monday, March 26, 2012

Wind whispers..


                                                         Picture courtesy of Shutterstock Photos



 Wind Whispers...

She sits and waits.
Hands on her legs, sitting crisscross taking in.
Green grass underneath, sounds of water making it's way on to the shore.
The wind blows.
Surrounding her.
Enveloping her.
It blows over her, through her, around her...
Caressing her face.
Covering her yet letting go.
Each passing rush brings whispers.
Barely heard.
So tender.
" I love you." it speaks.
" You are mine." it says.
"Precious and lovely are you."
Again and again they come.
Wash over her...
Surrounding her.
And she sits and waits.
And is filled.






Friday, March 16, 2012

Stay....




 photo credit Boho

Journeying towards and into more and more wholeness... one of the areas I am learning to love myself in is in the area of my body and my food intake.

I really could care less about skinny anymore.
What I want is so much bigger then just pursuing the lie that skinny = happy.
Because I can tell your right now, from somebody that has achieved skinny many many times...skinny does NOT = happy.
No place, or weight or any amount of food or job or person = happy.

The last time I achieved skinny was really quite a eye opening experience for me in this department.
I was befuddled and bewildered that I was within 6 lbs of my goal weight, and was so unhappy and more depressed then I had been at my highest weight.

Now I am back up to where I had begun...a bit fluffy again, and I can tell you now a truth that I see so clearly now..

The only person that can make you happy is you.

You.

Inside you and being at peace with you = happy.


And realizing this new truth, I am learning to love my body NOW where it is at.
Fluffy, extra curvy and all. :)

I am learning to look at myself in the mirror and love me.
Speak kindly to myself.
Offer myself compassion on those hard days, and lavish love always.

Now my perspective is not achieving skinny or a particular weight.
Now I want wholeness and health
...in my body.
...in my perception of my body and image.
...in how I view food and my relationship with food.

Whatever that looks like, at whatever size.

I wanted to share this article that I thought was so perfect for me today....

It's from a new blog I have stumbled upon by Beverley Aron.

Just click on the title below to partake <3

Stay.....



Beauty up close


Would love your thoughts on it after you have read and digested..






Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Freedom...

Freedom has wings... ;)



                                                               photo courtesy of Boho

xoxo



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Music loves... What About Me??

I wanted to share something wonderful that I have found.

I am such an inspiration junkie... always searching and seeking it out.

I happened upon a really amazing musical/spiritual inspiration project by two English men called What About Me? by their company called One Giant Leap.



Here is a little trailer of their project...





Basically what they have done is gone to 50 different countries, and found the musicians and vocalists of each of these countries.

With a specific topic in mind, they present these musicians/vocalists with a particular melody, or drum beat..

Just something simple, and ask each person to add to it.... that person's own heart music to the melody.
And they layer and layer and layer each piece.
It's quite amazing!

It's all improvisation. Straight from each artists heart song after they are exposed to what the previous artists have added before them..... :)

One song can have 7 or more different countries that have contributed towards one song.

How beautiful is that?

It is absolutely incredible!



This is one of my favorites from the project.... 

Each Step Moves Us On.







and also I love love this one... Come to the Edge.




The collaboration is simply amazing!

Brings me to tears and goosebumps!

The topics that the project covers are all universal to every human being.
Love
Loneliness
Desire
Anger
Sex
Bombardment
Conflict
Madness
Death

So each song is unique to the musicians that have collaborated together on it.
They have all been told what the specific topic is to the song they are adding to, and then they play or sing according to the what they are feeling and flowing at that moment.

Included with the music are excerpts from different spiritual teachers and inspirational thinkers of our day, as well as regular everyday people that are asked questions about love, life, relationships, sex, anger.. whatever the topic is.

50 different countries are represented!


I guess this was an actual documentary that was aired each week in the U.K.

They have excerpts of each episode on their youtube channel :)
And of course you can purchase the music!

Just wanted to share! It is just so beautiful the unity and unique voice of each country and village.

Have a beautiful Monday, loves!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Resolution


Hi lovies.
Been thinking about this little space here… Amy the Free.
Wordless I have been lately..but really I feel a need to present my mess to you with a opening, 3 points and a clever close.
And I just come up so dry when I think of how I can present all these awakening, rumblings and hashings going on inside.
I can’t do it.
I am also in this space of longing to disconnect from my whole “public/internet” life. Erasing traces of me and my journey from harsh eyes.
I have gone through and once again deleted my Facebook..(which I had gone back to after I started my photography business to “promote” my business..cough cough… and er well hmmmm..") anywho.. so I deleted that fucking thing AGAIN!! I have gone through and deleted as many online places that found it’s trail back to me.
This journey is and this space I am in is so tender. And I am in a space of rebuilding my “Everybody and They” from critical, religious, judgmental and harsh voices in my head, to a “Everybody and They” that are filled with love, kindness, compassion and acceptance.
You know what I am talking about… the crowd of people we all have in our head.
The crowd of people that scoff at my every choice and call it wrong. That point the finger at me, and say..
“Shame Shame.. you bad girl you!”
“You are doing it wrong.”
“If it isn’t THIS way, then it’s absolutely wrong.”
The Everybody that comes up when I start to see freedom’s light…
“What are you doing?” they scoff.
“You are in deception and are going to hell.”
The Everybody and the They that point their finger, and whisper to each other and shake their heads in absolute disapproval.
The Everybody and They that I ask myself…  “ What will THEY think? What will Everybody say if I do that?”
The madness I have talked about in my head. The madness that keeps me bound and frightened. Afraid to let go of old mindsets and ways of living. The Everybody and They that I literally feel haunted by.
…..
I am ferociously on the pursuit for wholeness.
I want it so badly.
I want to know myself. My heart. My desires.
I have been so bound up by this crowd in my head… made up of family, my religious culture I was saturated in since birth, my own Westernized culture.
Realizing this is part of the unraveling process.. I want to shed this crowd in my head.
I am in the process of rebuilding my Everybody and They to voices like yours. My friends who come here and take the time to read my heart and take the time to comment and converse.
I am working through Martha Beck’s book “ Finding Your Own North Star.”
She says that most of the time we can narrow down our negative Everybody and They to 3 – 6 of the most critical and negative people we have known in our life.
BUT you can convince yourself (your social self is what she calls it)  to let them go when you begin to bring in people who believe in you, love you, show your kindness and compassion, and who offer grace and understanding of your journey. Your social self will let go of the negative crowd and accept the new love filled crowd.
Martha talks about how we are both essential self and social self.
Out essential self is our heart/spirit/true nature… and our social self is the protector self… We need our social self, but it was never meant to rule our life.
We lose who we are when the social self (i.e. ego) rules your life.. we lose our way, we lose the sound of how our essential self sounds, what our true path is, etc….
Ok… right now I am resisting the urge to go back and change anything..  God, I hope all this makes sense.
Anyways.. all of that to say it’s vital to freedom that we change out that negative tape in our head.
And I think one of the biggest things you can do is surround yourself with friends, people, blogs, input that is full of life, compassion, kindness, and love.
And remove any trace of your negative crowd… and for me that was getting the heck off Facebook. Lots and lots of reminders of my negative/critical Everybody crowd.
It’s so interesting isn’t it?
Martha explains all of that so much better then I, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I felt it was being a good daughter, niece, sister, friend to stay connected to these people. Living my life out loud and raw was being free. But it just gave them more ammunition. And they would let me have it. In one form or another.
I mean these are people I would honestly not EVER have in my life…people I see maybe one or two times a year.
So I think that was the fire lit under me to start backing out of a lot of media stuff. I joined Pinterest even, and there they were.. they found me!
Deleted that.
I feel really protective of myself right now. I even deleted my blog…this one.
I feel like this space is sacred. It holds very sacred info on it, you know?
So I deleted it…then un-deleted it.
This is for me…this space. I need it so much… I am not one of these bloggers that write all the time, or want a following…. I just need a space to be and share.
I kind worry about editing my posts… how many times did I say, “ I “ or change a cuss word to something more acceptable. I just can’t do that anymore.
Sorry if that offends you to see Fuck and shit and damn…because right now those are words that I use a lot these days…and you know what? I like it. It feels good. I have lived my life censoring myself. I can’t do it anymore. Through love..yes. But not be socially accepted anymore. Nope. Can’t.
….
Ok.. so the title of this post is resolution… in which I was going to share with you a situation that has happened with a dear dear friend from my religious days. How she dropped me like a batch of hot cakes when my journey and “why” questions started… I asked a couple times if it was me… if the reason she was not around anymore was because of my own journey out of religion…she said up and down no…
But her words and her actions didn’t line up… so I let our friendship go.. I grieved our friendship last summer …intense grief. She was my best friend. Then now all of a sudden she is angry and mad.. she has noticed out of the blue that we are not connected anymore. How now she is upset and grieving our friendship.. but hasn’t once reached out to talk… It is simply because she is so fear driven.. I don’t blame her.. I know why. I am really scary to her. I haven’t even gone into all of this..but I know she feels it.
It’s true the saying… One man’s freedom is another’s bondage.
Anyways… I was going to tell you about how I have decided to not reconcile.
I have had every pull to be the one who approaches yet once again, to see if she would be open to talking…but I don’t think she can.
I think she is so fear driven that it absolutely terrorizes her.
I made a decision tonite, after she totally gave me the cold shoulder and completely ignored me…that I was going to let her make the step, but really when I am totally honest… she is a part of my negative crowd.
She needs me to need her to fix me.. and I don’t need her to fix me.
I don’t want to dance the dance that our friendship was. One of nice’ities and never going deep.
Of that old mindset of religion and all the whacky spiritual warfare stuff. It was just not a healthy friendship. I know that now.
anyways… I want to not be friends anymore. I don’t like what that friendship was. And now that I have grieved it and let it go, I like that I don’t have it anymore. It was so yucky and made me feel yucky.
I am so grateful for the season and all the good that it was, but I bid it farewell again.
Sometimes the best resolve is to resolve that it’s good to let it go, and not try to resuscitate something that is meant to pass on.
….
k… that’s all for now.
I will be back with more rambling.. as it comes. It’s not gonna be pretty…but it’s me.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Quote love.... :)




"When you know who you are,
you don't need to justify it to anyone."

~ Renee Scalfani