Long have I passed up making resolutions.. oy. No thanks!
Always was a recipe for failure for me...big time!
I adore asking the Divine for a word.
Something that God is going to work into me, my life... a word that brings a centeredness and intentionality to the new year we will be stepping into.
Not something I strive for, but maybe the way to say it, is something of a thread through life inside this next year.
I have been thinking on this question.
Asking God just here and there whenever the thought comes about 2013.
Last year my word was "making peace with myself"
And last week this symbol came to mind.
Just like that in the middle of the mundane.
Yin and Yang.
Light and Shadow.
I looked up the meaning of ying and yang, and found this.
"In Chinese philosophy, the concept of Yin-Yang (simplified Chinese: 阴阳; traditional Chinese: 陰陽; pinyin: yīnyáng), which is often called "yin and yang," in the cultures of Western Civilization -- literally meaning "shadow and light" -- is used to describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and, how they give rise to each other as they inter-relate to one other.
The concept lies at the origins of many branches of classical Chinese science and philosophy, as well as being a primary guideline of traditional Chinese medicine, and a central principle of different forms of Chinese martial arts and exercise, such as baguazhang, taijiquan (t'ai chi), and qigong (Chi Kung) and of I Ching.
Many natural dualities (e.g., dark & light, female & male, low & high, cold & hot, water & fire, etc., etc.,) are thought of as physical manifestations of the yin-yang concept.
Yin and yang are actually complementary -- not opposing -- forces, interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part; in effect, a dynamic system. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, (e.g., shadow cannot exist without light). Either of the two major aspects may manifest more strongly in a particular object, depending on the criterion of the observation. The concept of yin and yang is often symbolized by various forms of the Taijitu symbol, for which it is probably best known in Western cultures.
There is a perception (especially in the West) that yin and yang correspond to evil and good. However, in Daoist metaphysics, good/bad distinctions and other dichotomous moral judgments are perceptual, not real; so, yin-yang is an indivisible whole. In the ethics of Confucianism on the other hand, most notably in the philosophy of Dong Zhongshu, (c. 2nd century BCE) a moral dimension is attached to the yin-yang idea."
O my gosh.. I LOVE that... "Yin and yang are actually complementary -- not opposing -- forces, interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part; in effect, a dynamic system. "
Shadow can't exist without light.
O MY GOSH!
Both shadow and light.
The beauty in the contrast of both of them.
See, my whole life has been about good and bad... darkness and light. And just stop it!
Stop all the bad things you do.. and the darkness you live in. Just stop it! That was the message I have taken in my whole life. To oppose, resist and shove down and manage all those areas that my community and religious culture deemed as bad.
It didn't work.
I couldn't stop. It doesn't ever go away. No matter how many times I managed my behavior and my bad darkness.
And to live with it managed and shoved down, was to literally shut myself down. To live shoving myself underneath a sea of water. without breathe. suffocating.
That is exactly how I felt too, now that I look back at me all those years.
Without breathe. Suffocating. Dead inside. Desperate for life.
I am still digesting that one right there, because of all that conditioning and indoctrination.
But I am seeing it more and more. It's coming tho. and it's gorgeous the wholeness that's coming.
The Divine created you and I.
Every bit of our humanity and divinity.
It's no surprise to God that managing a behavior that I have deemed as bad, is not going to work.
It never works.
It's always right there, underneath the surface because it's a part of me.
It's always right there, ready to pop up and show it's lil' face... and do the naughty deed again. :)
Anways, I just say all that because I have realized that God isn't impressed with my managing skills!
He really isn't.. lol! I think a lot of Christians think He is...but I think it's one of those illusions we have been taught pleases God.
Reality is. I please God.
All of me.
My shadow and my light.
(no actions required)
I think the question that comes more often in all areas is "Does this serve me? Does it add to my life or take from it?"
I had mentioned in a couple posts back that I could feel the Divine pressing on the whole "food" area again. It has just come up here and there. food. my old friend and way of survival.
It's interesting as I look back at how dead I felt.. how I was going to a source of life.
Really in a sense, it wasn't that far off.
Food does bring us life, but not the kind of life I needed.
I needed a different kind of food. ;)
I have labeled many things as good and bad, and this whole journey has been about un-labeling and letting be all those good/bad areas.
My body included.
Realizing everything in life has it's yin and yang... wow!
What freedom in that perspective!
It all has it's shadow and it's light.
Embracing that is to live inside of balance and that beautiful space of peace and contentment.
I am so exciting about 2013! I really really am.
I have to be super honest right now..
I am in a season where I have never been more lonely. Never been more stretched. Never been more free. Never felt more gloriously connected to the Divine, my husband and my children...while also feeling so disconnected from friends and family. Bewildered in that. Such contrast. But it's the whole, right?
I long to embrace the whole.
All the areas... it's easier to accept the whole of others more then it is to offer it to myself.
Looking forward to more awakening inside that.
To love me. my body. and food.
I am sure more will come up.. ha! sigh.
And you know that you will get to read ALL about it!
So here's to 2013!
I look on each brand new day, and this brand new up and coming year of 2013 with hope and expectation.
Yin and Yang.
Embracing what is... the shadow and the light.
In all things.
Would love to hear if you have a word in 2013.
Maybe it hasn't come yet.
It will come.