Monday, December 19, 2011

Work, life and moving

Ok... I have started and stopped this post for months now.
Woow, am I so missing this space.
I have been in a really really interesting season of busy, and have not had the time or the head space to be creative in my writing and sharing here.
I have been reading all my sweet friends' posts, just not having the mental capasitiy to comment and formulate a rousing thought.. lol!

Have missed you, my friends.

Here is what I have been working on.... and hope to hit the publish button to this morning.


 Kmarie and I were chatting a bit over email and she asked for an update on work, moving, how I am holding up... so I thought if she wants to know, then maybe there are others that do to.

so here is a kind of update post for anybody that is curious :)
You all are so dear and precious to me...the fact that Kmarie even asked, and Cat emails me checking on me in my silent times is overwhelmingly amazing to me.
Thank you, my friends.
Your friendship has been some of the most real and tender that I have ever known.
Wish we could all meet up for a coffee one day and meet face to face.. I think that would be one amazing coffee date!

I am still working at my son's school 30 hours a week.... as an aide to two special needs kindergartner's as well as helping in the SPED Resource room...
I also have another position at the school as the assistant to the whole SPED Dept.
And that in a nut shell is alot of "honey do" stuff.. ha!

I have been working since I am heading into my 4th month.

Overall, it's going good. At the beginning of the year, as you might remember, I had a lot of hashing out going on. It's been messy and not so pretty.. tons of crying and just choosing to move forward most days.

I have continued to practice living in the today, embracing "what is" for this season in my families lives, surrendering to that space of "what is" has been one the hardest challenges I have ever faced. It's still something I have to be purposeful about. Just simply because, for me, I have found that is where Grace lives. Grace lives in me just taking it one moment at a time, not projecting into the future, and not dwelling on what was. Grace is here in this moment.
And that is the messy part for me.
Talking about it is something I just avoid because it is still hard, and the desire to be more home based and more involved in my girl's school is still there. I feel like it is just always right there under the surface...just barely asleep at times.
For example, I had been doing pretty good living in all of this until this past weekend. It was CRAZY full of family events and going to our old church for a friend's baptism, and then to a social after.... a bunch of "catching up" and talking about all that has been going on.
I find I don't WANT to talk about it.. I would rather just keep moving forward, share with friends that have actually cared about us along this journey..but even that I don't want to do a lot... because now after all this blabbing about everything, I feel all stirred up again.
Soooo... hashing has commenced AGAIN.

So that is my work sitch... being in Grace tho, I have seen how this job is good for right now.
It scratches the desire for spontaneity... I have alot of freedom in my job...alot of trust.. I move around alot on campus and can actually leave and go home for lunch on the days that I need the quiet and the break from work. I have alot of say over my schedule, and can leave and go get sick kids if I have to. There are some really great and big plus', and for that I am so grateful.

I still very much desire to be self employed again. I used to have my own cleaning business, and brought in decent money with that. But this time around, knowing my heart just a little bit more, I have decided to say yes to photography. I am freaked out of my head at times about it..but I have to stop fearing it, and step towards it if I am going to make the way for myself to be more home based, you know?

I have to say that once I said, "Yes" to photography inside my heart, WOOSH, it was like someone sent a note out to anybody that would hear that! No joke... THAT has been the craziness on top of craziness. I immediately had people approaching me to photograph their events, their school basketball team, their families, their children, their beautiful momma baby bellies, their wedding!!
I completely booked up October, November AND December!
Just had my very last photog session last weekend, and this girl is taking the rest of the year off!
I have been completley doing this whole photography thing SCARED out of my head.
But the more I have done it, the more joy is welling up inside me.
The more I relax into the gifting that is in me, the less scared I am.
My pattern has been to get really really nervous and cranky until I step into the session with my client..and then it's like I am stepping into some kind of dance... the experience is exhilerating! Euphoric really!
Something happens, and it's the most incredible experience ever! Creativitiy flows, and I am capturing hearts and moments in time.
It's so wonderful :)

I have been behind on my photography blog posts for clients and have begun to catch up since Saturday...but what's so wild, and you will see in the picture, is the variety.
It's like God was just waiting for me to be ready and say yes, and He brought all types of different photography opportunities my way. Literally not just families, but all kinds!
Like He was saying, " Try this on. Do you like it? And this.. taste this... How's that? Is that for you?"

Unbelievable really!

I am utterly exhileratingly exhausted, and so so full in my heart :)

Another area that I am seriously considering becoming a certified life coach. This is a new area that I am researching right now... more to come on that in the future...but something I am looking into. My sis and I were having a deep conversation about new areas we are both stepping towards, and she blurts out, "I think you should look into becoming a life coach." and then just shared why she thinks this would be something that might be for me. " Hmm.." I thought.. maybe.
It's amazing how sometimes other people can see us more clearly then we can see ourselves.
So I am just looking into it...nothing for sure yet, but I am definitely investigating.

As for the move to Colorado, we have set our date to June 2012!
I just sent in my kid's school registration into a school in Colorado that we fell in love with while interviewing schools earlier this month.
We have also started to downsize, declutter and pack.. Nothing like seeing boxes here and there to get you excited about moving! It's becoming more real everyday.. and that is SO amazing!
I can't wait! The kids are excited.. my hub and I are so excited!
Wish it was hear already..but again that wouldnt' be living in the today now would it.. gah!

Honestly there is a lot of trust happening. Trusting that as we step towards this, things will begin to come as we move forward. It seems to be the pattern and what God has shown us these past few years.
Stepping away from the church to be our soul source of provision was a really big step for us.
We have totally relied on our TRUE source of Life and Provision, and it's been freaky and wonderful.
Moving to Colorado is what is in our hearts, and so we are just going to step towards it, and see what happens.
I do believe their is a rythym of the Universe... not a formula, but some sort of rythym.
And it goes something like this.
When you step towards the dreams and desires of your heart, in doing that you are really stepping INTO the stream of Life and letting it bring you to those dreams and desires.
Is there stuff to do and fears to work through, OH YEAH!
But there is peace in it, and no strife.
And I truely believe that the doors that need to open, will fling wide open.
And the people you need to meet will come into your path.
And the little signs...turn left, go straight, check here, try this, will begin to appear.

I have heard this little Truth in so many different ways...from different voices.

"When you do what you love, God conspires on your behalf, and it become effortless.
But...when you're on the wrong path, life chases you out of it, and back to the right path."

~ Jillian Michaels

I am finding this to be true.

That is what my life has been lately. Stepping towards things that are in my heart. And I am thankful for the hard spaces, like my job that I go to everyday, that have made me uncomfortable enough to look at different things, and dig deep and ask the hard questions of hear the whispers of my heart, and step towards those whispers of dreams and desires.

I want to share this with you today, I have more in me..but have to get this day started.
So I am going to hit publish, because I HAVE GOT TO POST THIS! lol!

Much love...

Your friend and blog lurker ;)

Amy xoxo

Oh and to see some of the photography I have been shooting lately, you can visit my other blog here...

I have SO much to do as far as getting my business off the ground. But starting this Wednesday, the winter break starts, and I will have 2 weeks to do that.
Hoping to write more as well :)