Some thoughts on the topic of surrender, trust and suffering.
The longer I walk in this season and time of stretching and hardship, I see over and over again the importance of living in a space of trust and surrender.
The picture that comes to mind is my hands held out, and completely open.
Not grasping or holding tight to anything..
And, not fallen down to my sides against my body in hopelessness and despair..
But simply open wide and extended out.
Ready to receive what gift is in the today, and ready to let go of what needs to be let go of.
I have started to research the word suffering, not the suffering of abuse or grief.
The suffering I am talking about is the suffering that is self induced.
I am starting to see this kind of suffering largely as a simple thought patterns in the mind.
My own expectations of what my situation should be, and not just "being" in the sitation as it is.
Because really, when I look at my day, and all that happens in it, it just is what it is.
And when I begin to suffer is when I begin to wrestle with what I felt my day SHOULD have been like.
And as soon as I begin to wrestle with what I felt it SHOULD have been like, and loath it and hate it and wish for something else, and long for THAT over there, and not just embrace what is, I begin to suffer.
Suffer in the way of lack of peace and joy, in frustration, worry, fear, rage, anger, discouragement, despair and hopelessness...
I begin to suffer internally because of my not accepting what is.
Think on that for a minute.
I suffer and bring on all kinds of negative things because I don't accept this moment for WHAT IT IS.
Acceptance doesn't mean I don't DO anything about it. Because obviously if I can, I think that would be the right action to take. Acceptance doesn't mean lying down and taking it and being passive.
No, that's not what I mean.. Acceptance of what is, is simply not striving against it.
I can be at peace with what is, and make changes, right?
Peace seems to be found in that space... accepting what simpy is.
I find myself saying alot, " Well, it just is what it is." And it's true.
I don't have to get upset, I can just move forward from what is, and make the changes that need to be made OR make the changes in myself to adjust to what is, if I am in a situation that I can't change.
I heard it once said about stress in our life... that stress means one of two things.
A. I need to take action and change my circumstance
B. I need to make changes in myself and adjust my expectations of my circumstance.
And when I think of suffering, and not excepting what is, I see hands that have closed tightly shut... it's when I call something MINE, and I hold tight to that.
My expectations! My way! My dissappointment of what I want!
Mine mine mine!
Suffering comes along and is such a great reminder, don't you think??
It reminds me that I have closed my hands and clinched then tight.... suffering becomes a tool for me to once again let go, and simply accept what is.
Open my tightly clinched hands once again to trust and to surrender.
Just some thoughts on the matter... I would really love to here yours!
Monday's are always hard days for me... Sunday's I can feel dread of the week to come, and I stand a bit bewildered and confused today about my " what is" situation.
I cried hard for a long time last night thinking of my "what is".
It seems to be becoming my Sunday ritual. oy.
It is suffering... is it self induced or is it simply the pain and ache of being shoved into a job that I am not designed for?
I don't know.
But I do know one thing...the crying and pain is causing me to look at it, and ask the 2 questions..
What can I do about my situation?
What can I adjust in myself?
Love and freedom to you..