Saturday, July 23, 2011

Obedience or good judgement?? {A parenting post }

Being outside the shame of religion, I find my parenting is changing...

Read this thought this morning, and wanted to share it with my freedom friends...

Excerpt from Playful Parenting....

Obedience or good judgement??

“Instead of trying to get children to be obedient, I recommend that we strive for them to have good judgment.

Obedience lasts only as long as we are in the room with them. It does not help a child know what to do in a brand-new situation.

I think every parent has had this experience:

Children do something so wild that we never thought of making a rule about it. We usually punish them anyways, because they ‘should have known better.’ But we can’t expect them to have a flexible intelligence to figure out what is right or wrong in a new situation if we have taught them to obey only by enforcing rules. Our world is so complex that children need to have intelligence and good judgment, not just rules.

The goal of most punishment is obedience. Good judgment, on the other hand, comes from talking with children, brainstorming about how they might handle different situations, and discussing moral dilemmas. We have to be on the same wavelength with our children before we can have these types of conversations, so connect first. Connecting with children after they’ve done something wrong, listening to how they feel about it, and telling them calmly how we feel, all do much more to instill good judgment than punishment does.

Children develop into thoughtful, considerate, honest, and kind adults because of love and affection, because of high moral standards, and because of a close relationship with someone who models those values. I have never seen anyone punished into being good. Bribes don’t work either. Promises, threats, rewards, and punishments have been called “the most primitive way of dealing with human beings.” Since humans can think and reason, and because close connections are so important to us, it makes more sense to use loving and talking as the basis for our discipline. “

1 comment:

  1. Children develop into thoughtful, considerate, honest, and kind adults because of love and affection, because of high moral standards, and because of a close relationship with someone who models those values. I have never seen anyone punished into being good.

    this is good stuff friend
    thanks for sharing!

    love and light

    ReplyDelete