Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Got a bit annoyed at myself last night...

I ran into a neighbor friend at the pool... we were coming in and she was coming out.

Anywho, her little daughter and mine have played together a few times. They really really get along so wonderful... I love that part!

Her little daughter has stepped up a notch and wants to have a sleep over....

(enter me...screaming on the inside.. NOOOOOO!!!)

I hate sleep overs.
Don't like my kids away from me.
Have sexual abuse stuff in my past, and know plenty more that have too...and alot of the abuse happened under the cover of night.

I can count on one hand the people I feel safe with my kids having a sleep over. But even that, I would rather them have a play date and come home and sleep under my roof.

Ok, back to the story..

The little girl is talking and talking about wanting a sleep over, her mom is all smiles... it's a great idea to her... I am tongue tied.

What?

Yes... I have an opportunity to say, " Oh, I am sorry, we don't do sleep overs.. but a play date would be fun!"

Nope.. I am so afraid of hurting this mom's feelings, and this little girl's feelings that I say a whole bunch of nothing... but I do smile, and I act awkard.

THAT is my annoyance.

Why why why do I have to make everybody happy and comfortable all the time?
Why is it a problem to just be me, and say where I stand on things?


Ugh.

So I called

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Quote love...

“Live in a space of letting go.” –Oprah

Monday, June 27, 2011

Great great article..

I have met some of the most amazing bloggy friends through you, and I thought I would start to share some of the posts that I read each week with you.

Posts that speak to my heart like this post from my bloggy friend, Elizabeth....

It's so so good!

I think she nailed it right on the head.

Elizabeth is pretty edgy... and like all of us, I don't always agree with her view point, but man sometimes she really nails it.. and this is one of those posts.

I used to get so offended when people talked about "the church"...but now I understand what they are talking about... they are not talking about the people, they are talking about "religion". The mindset that the church is stuck in...the people mean well and are good hearted, the mindset...eh, not so much!

Religion is toxic to freedom and to living our true authentic life.

I felt this article was well thought out, and very pro-humanity.

Hope you enjoy it.

I Really Only Have One Problem With The Christian Religion… The Rest Is Seriously No Big Deal....by Elizabeth


Happy Monday to you.... xoxo

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Words

I was folding laundry this morning and listening to this.

Rob had different people come up from all different walks of life, and had one person read this to the other.

One man was unemployed and had been looking for a job for a long time.

Another man was terminally ill and in need of a liver transplant within the next year or he is going to die.

Another was a young teen in high school.

Another was a man in his 50's.

And they read this personalized version of 1 John 2v12-14 over each other.

"(Insert person's name),
Your sins have been sent away.
You know God.
You are strong.
The Word of God lives in you, and you will overcome the evil one."


I listened and each time....it would slam against my heart.

Slam.
Slam.
Slam.

And all of a sudden, in the midst of folding my mount of laundry, I started sobbing.

Why?

I could hear my name in there every single time they read that scripture over each other.
The words spoke of my weariness... of my wondering if I am ok with God...
The words spoke to my insecurities..the ones of today, and the ones of tomorrow.

The part that kept slamming into me was....

Amy,
You know God.
You are strong.
The Word of God lives IN you (Jesus), and you WILL overcome the evil one.

Then again....

You know God.
You are strong.
The Word of God lives IN you, and you WILL overcome the evil one.

Truth.
Encouragement.
How God really really sees me...sees you.

I realized it had been a really long time since someone had spoken words of life over me.

I can't describe how completely refreshing and washing these words were to my soul.

Yes, Amy, you know Me.
Yes, Amy, you are so strong because even in your weakness, I am strong IN you.
Yes, Amy, I AM in you, and you are a conqueror!

sigh. I take in a deep breath just writing about it.

Words are so powerful.

That kind of truth and encouragement is so huge to my heart... I know it has to be to others.

Rob says in this sermon,
"The Word needs flesh.
The Word initially became flesh and blood...but at the heart of this story... the Word NEEDS flesh."


At first I wasn't sure what I thought about that, but as it sank in, I get it.
We need to speak truth to each other and lift each other up.
I don't know about you...but I can't remember the last time someone said something kind like that to me.
The important people in my life tend to be critical, judgmental and gossipy.
I don't want them to know about my life.
So I reeeeally tend to keep those relationships pretty surface, and alot about them to deflect going deep in my life stuff.
Don't want that negative stuff..Nope. No thanks.

My hub is my encourager these days...and right now he is walking through so much right now, and needs a lot from me these days.
It's an intense season he is in...we are in...and the road gets really hard.

I was challenged while listening this morning of my own critical words and my own judgemental attitudes.
God help me to see the Truth in each person and their situation....even when I don't understand and have insight into a person's life...help me to speak kindness and encouragement.
Because in all honesty, we are all doing the best we know how, aren't we?
Choosing and making life choices, considering our loved one, our husband and children...doing the best we can with what we have.
That is the truth.

Most people are not going around making life choices to annoy me or to annoy you. lol!
I hear that in my heart alot.. " Uh, Amy... it's not about you all the time."... hello!

As I listened to these precious folks that Rob called up, and they spoke these words over each other, such life it brought to MY heart just listening in.

So today, I was thinking about you, my friends.... and I want to say this to you today.

My friend,

Your sins have been sent away.
You know God.
You are strong.
The Word of God lives in you, and you will overcome the evil one."

Life and much love to you.

Amy

Music loves...

Oooh, I so love new music that stirs my soul...



:)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Some inspiration loves

Morning!

I had to share something with you this morning that just totally encouraged me and spurred me on.... I am a BIG Jillian Michaels fan! She inspires me so much!

And I just recently found Jillian's podcast... it's my morning inspiration when I am out exercising in the mornings.

This last podcast that Jillian had, All about Faith, was phenomenal!!

She always has two segments on her podcasts... this is the first segment.

I think I have listened to this like 3 times this week already....so so good!

My favorite quote, and I am seeing it to be SO true....

"When you do what you love, God conspires on your behalf, and it becomes effortless.
But...when you're on the wrong path, life chases you out of it."

~ Jillian Michaels

Let me know what you think!

Happy Wednesday!

Amy

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Weekend love < 3

Hi friends!

Hoping you had a really nice weekend... I know it's Wednesday, but it's finally taken me this looong to get to this weekend post!

My hub celebrated his 46th Bday this past weekend, and his wish was to get the heck out of dodge!
So we did!
Just wanted to share some pics with you.

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We went on tons and tons of walks....

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Just taking in all the mountain beauty around us.

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Completely heart filling!


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My kids were IN their glory... I loved that they were outside most of the time.
Would stop in for a drink of water and run back outside to discover the wonder that surrounded them just outside their door. :)

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It's was such an amazing weekend! :)

I will be posting the rest of the pics over on my photography/family blog if you want to see more!

How are you? How is your week going?


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Heart Rumblings {In the Wild}




We have been hosting my hub's parents in our home the last 2 weeks. And today my mom in law, pulled my daughter Hope aside and put $50.o0 in her hand to help fund her way to kid's camp this summer.

Hope had heard that our old church was going to be taking a group of kid's to the camp, and in passing, had mentioned to her grandma that she might like to go to it.

So my mom in law, in a act of kindness and generosity, handed Hope some money to help fund her way to the camp.

Hope approached me about it because she had told her dad about the money, and her dad said, " Honey, your mom and you and I have already talked about this....we don't feel comfortable with you going. So the answer is no."

This brought Hope to me, and it spurred on a really interesting conversation.

I hadn't had a very deep conversation with Hope about my "why" on my answer for her to go to kid's camp.
All she knew was that we didn't feel comfortable with it.
She was curious and wanted to know why.... so we had a heart to heart.




My personal opinion about any kind of church camp isn't very high.
I don't like them to be perfectly blunt.
I think they mirror a lot of the boxed in mentality's that churches these days have.
It starts the whole "emotional" experience = experiencing God thing in kids that as a grown up, I am still shedding.
I think it becomes an addiction to be totally honest.
We are taught that and conditioned to think that the whooooole church experience...the building, the lighting, the music and the flow of it, the words spoken from the pulpit...
All of it... we are conditioned to believe that we can only connect and experience God in this building, in this way, and we are so hooked.
So we keep coming back for it week after week.

It's such a counterfeit.
I strongly feel that we were created to experience God in the everyday....the little things that get overlooked.. in the mundane.
I mean, if you want to get Biblical about it, scripture says,
"For through Him (Jesus) all things were created."
"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

What would that mean?
He is everywhere.
He is the glue that holds ALL things together.
Pretty awesome, I think. :)

Back in ancient Jewish times it was just a known fact that everything was spiritual.
God was everywhere, and truth was everywhere.
It was always right there to take in, sense, feel and partake in.
He created us to find Him like THIS.
In relationship, in nature, in touch, in sound, in smells, in EVERYTHING.

We were meant to experience Him "in the wild" so to speak... outside of a cage....
just like Adam, walking in the garden with Abba.
The garden was OUTSIDE... God didn't create a box for Adam to go to find Him.

We are created in the image of our Creator...
We are built like Him and we contain Him.
So let me ask you something...if we are like Him and built like Him and we contain Him...
If we mirror Him.... let me ask you this..
Can you put Him in a box?
Can he be labeled and formalized?
Will He live inside a cage?

I think you know the answer...cause I have a resounding one inside of me.
NO!
Absolutely Not..
He won't.
Ever.
So why do we contain each other?
Why do we think that we can attain true life in our hearts by containing each other?
Us.
The very creation that He has chosen to walk around with HIS image and His makeup...
Why do we systematize people...label them...squeeze them into a box AND expect to pull and draw life from that??

The truth is we can't.

We were created to experience our Creator and Father in the day to day, walking WITH Him IN the everyday.


When you take such a massive piece of that mystery out of the equation... and you introduce a system that shouts that you can only experience Him INSIDE the cage/building...it really messes the whole true and organic way of walking this life out with Him up.
It's topsy turvy!

It messes people up.
It messes people like ME up.
We amp up something that was made to be simple and lovely...we amp it up to these emotionally charged experiences.
Kind of reminds me of these romantic films that are out...they take love and sex and make them into something that is fake and completely off the charts unreachable for any couple.

It's makes people sick. heart sick, which is the most destructive of all.
The very "well spring of YOUR life" flows out of your heart, and to have a sick heart is to live in death.

So this is was what I shared with my daughter.
I told her my concerns about having her heart submerged in that kind of mentality.
And that I so desire for her to know God OUTSIDE of all of that.
Outside of her being told, in order to know God she has to read her Bible everyday, pray to Him for hours and hours, work really hard to not sin, go to church every week, go to youth group every week, and evangelize her friends...and on and on..

I mean, if we are going to take scripture literally, doesn't it state that:
"He has written His law upon our hearts."
AND
"HE has given us His Spirit to dwell IN our hearts and to lead us into all truth."?
He. Him. His Spirit.
In the day to day...leading me into His truth...capital T -Truth?

That He has taken all the ways He has designed us to find joy and peace and life, and HE has inscribed it, literally CARVED it into and on our hearts.

So in all honesty, I could care less if my kids ever step foot inside a church, or memorize any scripture, or go to any kid's camp, kid's church, or youth group.
What is better?

To be an adult that has been submerged in a system full of rules and regulations, has memorized the whole Bible, yet has no real, authentic connection to God but through a building experience? Who lives a life as a walking dead person...dazed and confused at the lack of joy and peace in his life?

OR

To be an adult that sees God everywhere, in the day to day knowing Him and His love... realizing everyday that the glory of God is being lived out each day as they live their lives fully alive and awake to His reality. Him, the real deal, and all the while, they have never set foot into a church, and don't know a lick of scripture?

Number 2, please!
I would choose option number 2, thank you very much.

I love hearing what Hope has to say on these types of topics... this kid GETS it.
She talked about His love and wondered if it surpassed a person's death... that if they didn't know Jesus, would they still get a chance to even after they died?
She asked me this, and I asked her, " What does Truth tell you about that, lovie?"
She smiled and said, " God's love is greater then death, mom..."
YES!
Yes it is, my love.

His truth is a simple truth.

We are created to live outside any system/cage.... to live in the wild and know our Papa.
Anything else really screws the whole thing up...screws us up.

My 11 year old GETS it.

And I want it to stay that way.
I don't want anybody to steal that precious truth from her heart.
Nobody.... not even people that mean well at a kid's camp.
There will come a day when she will be out on her own and will have to speak for herself...but as her Momma, I desire that she connects with God outside of all that, and I will do what I can to guard that treasure in her.
I want my daughter to have a different upbringing then I did.
I want all my kids to know that He is every where....in all things... the glue that holds it all together. They look to the left and see Him... They can look to the right and see Him...

Anything that says He has to be experienced like "THIS", is counterfeit...because in all honesty, the sky is the limit :)

After Hope and I talked, I felt like I needed to give her the choice to go or not.
I expressed my thoughts, she expressed hers...asked a ton of questions...and SHE decided that she would rather not go.

Phew.
:)


Living in the wild and choosing life today..

<3 Amy

It's that simple.

My sister, Beck, sent this to me yesterday....

Think this is from the Message Bible.. I haven't checked yet.

Love love love <3

Colossians 1:26-29

"This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open. God wanted EVERYONE, not just Jews, to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing.
The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory.
It's that simple.
That is the substance of our Message.
We preach Christ, warning people not to add to the Message.
We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity.
To be mature is to be basic.
Christ!
No more, no less.
That's what I'm working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me. "


YES!

My favorite line in this scripture:

"The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory. It's that simple.
"

It's so simple...
Christ.
Is.
In.
You.

It's so simple.
Christ.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.

So look forward and live.
It truly IS that simple.

<3
Amy

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Pain

Reeeeally hurting this morning... so I had a little talk with myself.

I traipsed over to my shower...bravely turned the water on, stepped in and bawled my eyes out.
I said a couple of curse words...got pissed...got sad again, and let the water splash over me, as if it will wash it all away.
Interesting.

Anywho, after awhile I got out, dried off and looked at myself in the mirror.

"Are we going to choose to love or are we going to choose to be bitter?
People are not going to change, but you can change.
So, what's it gonna to be?
Love or let bitterness set in your heart?"

sigh.

Choose to love.
I want to choose to love.
:/

I got ready for my day, and decided to not let sadness settle in me and make my day all upside down and weird.

Thought I would encourage myself with some wisdom on pain and love.... hope these encourage you should you be having a achie heart and tears as well.


"The pain passes, but the beauty remains."
~ Pierre-Auguste Renoir

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~ Mother Teresa

"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity for pain."
~ Jennifer Aniston

"Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived.
The pain now is part of the happiness then."
~ Anthony Hopkins


Time to get on with today, and get a little bit of life on me ;)

<3 Amy

Friday, June 3, 2011

Because I like me.


I was at Trader Joes last night, putting my grocery bags in the back of my car.
I shut the door and then looked at my little TJ grocery cart....
It's amazing how fast a thought process can happen, isn't it?

The thought zoomed through my head, "Do I take this cart back to the cart bin area, or just squeeze and wedge it up here in the parking lot??"

Now back in my before freedom days, I would have tootled it over to the cart area because Jesus was watching and I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted Him to see what I was doing and be pleased.

So so silly, but true.

But now, as of lately I hadn't been doing that! Ha! I had been leaving my cart just here and there...sometimes if I felt like it, I would bring it back to it's little cart area home.

Something has been working it's way around in me...a little truth that's just been bouncing around inside.... it's this.

I am the one that has to live with my day to day choices.... when I lay down at night, when my head hits my pillow, it's ME who has to like the person I am at the end of the day.

Do I like the person I am inside when I lay in my bed at night...alone with my thoughts....Me. There isn't anybody else there with me..it's just me.

This little nugget of truth....this little question has a boat load of grace and love attached to it.
I really want it just pinned up in my brain.... a little note inside my head... " Do I like me when I do this or that?"

When I interact with my kids.... in my choices.... with my husband....in my tone of voice and the words I speak... in how I treat my fellow man.... in my attitudes and thoughts towards life...

To answer the question... I like the person I am, when I choose kindness and goodness.
I like me, and I like how I feel when I am stepping towards freedom, and light
I like me when I am choosing to not compare myself and my journey to others.
I like me when I can see that I choose those things in my life that are the true gifts and treasures of my heart.....my honey, my family over the piddly distractions of my life that bid me to look their way.

It's just a simple little question that has been mulling around in me...
Do I like who I am at the end of the day?

Going back to my little Trader Joes cart.... I could hear that question come up... and the answer was... "Yep, I like who I am when I take this silly little cart back to it's cart area."

And so I did.

:)

Life to you today....

<3 Amy