Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Life outside the big ol' FB :)



I thought it would be fun to chat about what life has been like outside Facebook..
Yep.
The big FB :)

I would love to post that it's been incredible and AMAZING, but I would be lying oh so badly if I said that.

It has been good and really really eye opening, but it's also been hard and painful.

So pardon this post...it's gonna be a bit random...I am just going to type as thoughts come.


It's been really quiet. ;)


It's been very interesting.


It's made my virtual world alot smaller and a lot quicker.
I am on and off in a snap. That's interesting.
It's much easier to pull myself away from the computer as well, and that is nice.


I have made more phone calls and emailed more people then I have in my whole life.And this is coming from a girl that isn't a phone lover.... but now, you know what I think it was? I think I was afraid of people...afraid of authenticity....mmmm hmmmmm..
Thankyou Facebook for uncovering that little weedy root. :)


Less mind space has been wasted on wondering who posted what or if anybody posted a comment on my status. But the space has gone to other things like being creative, loving my family, fun activities for my kids while we are home for the summer... life stuff :)


Less mind space has been taken up period.
Just to be in the moment and not have to fill every little bit of "nothin" space with a quick FB check, has been really awakening!

I have realized I don't really have as many friends as I thought I did. That's been really sad to me. People that I have emailed and reached out to outside Facebook, they don't reciprocate. On one hand I am glad because I want what is real and true....on the flip side it has made me sad.

I don't miss the drama on Facebook.

I have had some stuff come up that I think was being masked by that silly social network... just the fact that I have relied heavily on my own self "ok-ness" by who is commenting, and then being devastated when nobody commented. What a shallow and very sad thing.

People don't like to communicate anymore outside of FB. No more emailing... no more phone calls... I have missed parties and get togethers because people only talked about them over Facebook and didn't pick up the phone. Isn't that wild?

I find I am here and available to my kids and hubby.

I have more time to love on them and be present in their lives....isn't that what life is about? Living and loving those around us?
I hope that in time they forget the mom that used to stare away from them and at the computer, and remember a mom that looked them in the eye and listened to their words.

I do miss my brother and his photography. But being the doll he is, he started uploading them somewere else, just so I could see them :) Such a sweet brother he is!

I have come to a strong realization that Facebook was a addiction to me. Not so much the actual site, but what I longed to pull from the site, if that makes sense?
I wanted genuine connection and community... I wanted validation and the answer to my question, " Am I ok?"... It's really hard for me to type all of that.. I can feel myself wanting to quick hit the delete button, but just keeping it real here. That's my deal..that's my question...and nobody can answer that, but God. For me, going to Facebook to make me ok, always made me come up wanting more.
Just like any other thing out there...FB wasn't designed for me to draw life from. It can't do that.

I have also been working so much at my new job, I haven't had a whole lot of time to click around...but my oh my, when I am alone at night...right before bed....I find I do miss it.

I have started reading now...and laying longer with my kids in bed...snuggling them, listening to their hearts open up at night.... just more time to linger and take them in, and enjoy them.
More time to listen to my hubby, to touch him, rub his shoulders after a long day....
I do feel more peace has come and taken up that space.

My honey and I have started dreaming again, and that has been amazing. :)
Dreaming and making plans... plans for the future. Adventures and big leaps of faith.
:) That makes my heart soar.

I am not as annoyed all the time and agitated.


Life feels a lot simpler.
My thinking has gotten a lot clearer.

I do miss the daily life updates from dear, real life friends... I did like feeling a part of their daily lives even tho we are miles and miles apart..
I do miss contributing to conversations that are rich and in depth about topics that we are passionate about.
Email just hasn't been the same compared to Facebook in that dept, and with work more hours lately getting on the phone has become virtually impossible. I do miss that alot.
I have felt lonely lately. Not for my hubby, not for my kids, but lonely for my girlfriend connections....girl talk, momma talk, laughing and just connecting like that.
I miss that.

So... that is where I am at.
I know more will come, and I will add that to the list ;)

Such a mixture of emotions on the topic...

I am truly finding that the more steps I take in the direction of being authentic and seeking out those things that are real and cultivate life in me, the less I care to dip into those things that don't.
And for that.. I am so grateful.

Life to you today...

<3 Amy

7 comments:

  1. it's so good to read this. i'm in the middle of a wonderful and long vacation and have had very limited computer time and honestly ... it's been great. isn't it amazing how much drama can happen beneath our fingers? i know i'm on vacay but really ~ i think i am less stressed because my fb / blogging time has been so limited. i've been able to shut out all the dissent and controversy surrounding my "other" world and experience life. i know that right now certain things like fb and blogs connect me to others in ways i do NOT get in real life, and for this i'm glad. but i'm sitting here wondering how i'm going to go home and change my habits because i want more to show from my life than fb. i'm rambling now. guess i'm just saying thanks for posting this. its good to hear your perspective. do you think you've been able to sleep better? hey maybe you can write a book about this. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Goodmorning! Happy Vacation to you, lovies!

    You know what?? My sleep has been AMAZING! I should add that to the list!
    One thing that has been seriously interesting is the sense of being ok with just living...whether anybody ever “sees” my life and the choices I make via blogging or FB, it’s feels so amazing to just live, and I, me, myself be peaceful about my life choices. Because, in all honesty, when I get into bed at night, it’s me who has to be ok with the choices I have made. You know?
    It’s an interesting and wonderful feeling. I was thinking the other day... “ So this is what it feels like to just live...nobody knows what I am eating, doing, speaking or thinking about...it’s just me and God.”
    It was one of those profound thoughts. I think it was Kmarie that said something to the extent of how FB really makes everybody in their own little way a rock star.... such a profound little nugget of truth.
    Thankyou for your note... as a writer it has to be hard to have so many things rumbling inside of you, and have a outlet to share those things. It’s just a part of who you are....but also just making the most of the space you share those precious rumblings too. It has to be quite a choice for you! Gonna keep writing about this as things come up...I am desiring more real and less virtual, but the cost for me is stepping towards new things, new people, feelings and vulnerability...but I am finding the pay off is so incredibly high and wonderful...it’s been so worth it to me!

    Loves to you... enjoy your time

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. loven' this post friend...as always
    these feelings can even come up for me in blog-land....but usually it is when I myself am not in a good space, then all of a sudden I am affected by the comments or lack of comments on my blog...I ask myself am I going to places no one else wants to go? Am I the only one feeling these things? Am I nuts? lol kinda funny actually
    but truth is it is my space my truth if I can connect, touch or be touched awesome!
    if not I still enjoy putting out there...with in reason

    I love that you are not on FB as you post more here and love to see what you have to say sister!

    Love and Light

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's so true isn't it? That thing that yearns for acceptance and just being ok? I have found that I don't do it AS much here on my blog.. but the same thoughts come through my head.. like maybe these topics are too much, too deep, too out there for people...but then I think of what it would take for me to attract more comments, and I get tired.. ha! I have done it..and it's just a big ol' trap. I don't want people to come here and comment because they have too, I just want them to come, read, and if they want to then say something. I love that these types of topics and our kinds of blogs, Cat, have brought people that are authentic and real and want truth. I love that about you. I love that about what you share. Much love.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm shaking my head, smiling, and literally don't know where to begin telling you how much I relate to everything you have written!
    So cool to be able to ride this journey out with you.... And yeah , coffee sounds great xo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I sooooo know you do, chicka! Love this journey with you too! ;)
    One day we will have that cuppa!
    hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, wow, wow!!! I can relate all too well to everything you wrote in this post. I haven't been able or even tried to walk away from FB. It's weird that FB has that kind of hold on us. I applaud you for breaking free for seeking real and authentic relationships. As hard as I've tried, I haven't faired well in forming close relationships with other women. Maybe it's a trust issue or my own insecurities. Thank you for sharing your heart and allowing God to use you to prick mine. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete