"Be perfect as I am perfect.
Be holy as I am holy."
I used to think these scriptures meant to try with all my might to not do anything bad.
They meant, no matter what there better not be any sinning...ever!
Jesus didn't sin, therefore I don't sin either.
So, uh, yeah...how's that workin' for ya, Amy??
Oh let's see... the more I tried NOT to sin, the more I sinned. And the more I sinned, the more I tried NOT to sin, and then the more I tried NOT to sin, the more I sinned. And the more I sinned, the more I...oh you get the picture!
I am being really silly, but that is my story.
Christianity to me became all about managing my sin...or should I say managing myself so that I didn't sin, but then I would sin, and on the merry go round we go.
I realized a little bit of something along the journey.
One being I didnt' have to stay on that whole stupid, "sin management" merry go 'round any longer. My sin was not something that was cryptonite to God, as I had been taught my whole life.
Nope. He loved me when I sinned, and when I didn't.
God loves me period...end of discussion.
He hates sin because of what it does to me.
But secondly, I realized I sin because...
I sin because of lies I believe about God.
I sin because of lies I believe about myself.
I sin because of broken-ness.
I sin because of wounds.
I sin even when I don't know I am sinning.
I sin because.... and you can fill in the blank.
Sin is a symptom of something deeper.
We sin because... just like a person with a runny nose, sore throat, cough, and fever has symptoms of a greater problem (a virus)
Sin is the same.
The more I realized that I was loved despite my sin, and there was no way in the whole entire world God was ever going to leave me because of it, something crazy started to happen.
I stopped trying to stop sinning.
I started to live, and believe this love that told me I was worthy of love.
It saturated me.
Then something else started to happen.
Healing came.. it came to areas that I had NO idea were there.
In my wiley ways of managing my sin, I had been so distracted with my sin, that I hadn't ever thought to look at anything deeper.
And lo, and behold, lookie there.... all kinds of gaping, and bleeding wounds were under all that.
And guess what happened after that?
God started to reveal things to my heart....lies I believed that become truth to me.
Because you can believe a lie, and when you believe it, it becomes the truth you begin to live out of.
But your heart knows it isn't true... and your heart knows what pain and hurt is.
Your heart will not be silent... it will start to ache and ache..and it won't shut up about it.
So, what does shame and condemnation tell you to do?
Do whatever it takes to shut it up... all the pain it is in, all that hurt....shut it up.
Eat. Hide. Work too much. Have too much sex. Get lost in toxic relationships. Drama. People pleasing. Too much computer. Smoke. Do drugs. Drink. Find myself in my roles.
Keep numbing this pain...keep shutting it up...but you can only do it for so long, it will smother you.
It smothered me.
And Love, He found me...
Love, was always there, my eyes were blind, and my ears were deaf to His voice, but He was always there.
He met me in that desperation.
When love heals, sin falls off.
It literally shrivels off, because you realize you don't need it anymore.
It becomes a unwelcome friend.
And Love wants you to be only one thing... YOU.
Being 100% you, is the greatest gift you can give yourself, your marriage, your children, you friends, the world.
You..with all your dreams, desires, gifts, sense of humor...everything you are.
To be like Jesus, is to 100% you.
To try and act and be God, is NOT what He had in mind.
To be cookie cut, and the same as a 1000 other people. nope.
To be you... yes... that's exactly what He had in mind when He made you.
So, NOW when I think of those words from Jesus.. I get it.
Being perfect, and being holy means being me... whole me...
I think of a whole circle, unbroken and round and perfect.... just like Jesus was whole and perfect.
He was 100% Himself, and completely confident and whole.
He didn't sin, because He didn't need to. It wasn't something He needed to do because He knew Love. He knew He was accepted and worthy of love.
Quite a different spin on those words for me from what they once were.
Love speaks to each of our hearts....
"Be holy as I am holy.
Be perfect as I am perfect.
Be WHOLLY YOU.
Because when you are WHOLE and WHOLLY you, you are the most alive and the most joyful and the most life filled, and THAT is what this world needs.
It needs YOU, wholly alive and wholly you."