Saturday, April 30, 2011

To be you, IS to be like Jesus

"Be perfect as I am perfect.
Be holy as I am holy."
~ Jesus

I used to think these scriptures meant to try with all my might to not do anything bad.
They meant, no matter what there better not be any sinning...ever!

Jesus didn't sin, therefore I don't sin either.
So, uh,'s that workin' for ya, Amy??
Oh let's see... the more I tried NOT to sin, the more I sinned. And the more I sinned, the more I tried NOT to sin, and then the more I tried NOT to sin, the more I sinned. And the more I sinned, the more I...oh you get the picture!


I am being really silly, but that is my story.
Christianity to me became all about managing my sin...or should I say managing myself so that I didn't sin, but then I would sin, and on the merry go round we go.

I realized a little bit of something along the journey.
One being I didnt' have to stay on that whole stupid, "sin management" merry go 'round any longer. My sin was not something that was cryptonite to God, as I had been taught my whole life.
Nope. He loved me when I sinned, and when I didn't.
God loves me period...end of discussion.
He hates sin because of what it does to me.

But secondly, I realized I sin because...

I sin because of lies I believe about God.
I sin because of lies I believe about myself.
I sin because of broken-ness.
I sin because of wounds.
I sin even when I don't know I am sinning.
I sin because.... and you can fill in the blank.

Sin is a symptom of something deeper.
We sin because... just like a person with a runny nose, sore throat, cough, and fever has symptoms of a greater problem (a virus)
Sin is the same.

The more I realized that I was loved despite my sin, and there was no way in the whole entire world God was ever going to leave me because of it, something crazy started to happen.
I stopped trying to stop sinning.
I started to live, and believe this love that told me I was worthy of love.
It saturated me.

Then something else started to happen.
Healing came.. it came to areas that I had NO idea were there.
In my wiley ways of managing my sin, I had been so distracted with my sin, that I hadn't ever thought to look at anything deeper.
And lo, and behold, lookie there.... all kinds of gaping, and bleeding wounds were under all that.
And guess what happened after that?
God started to reveal things to my heart....lies I believed that become truth to me.
Because you can believe a lie, and when you believe it, it becomes the truth you begin to live out of.
But your heart knows it isn't true... and your heart knows what pain and hurt is.
Your heart will not be silent... it will start to ache and ache..and it won't shut up about it.
So, what does shame and condemnation tell you to do?
Silence it.
Do whatever it takes to shut it up... all the pain it is in, all that hurt....shut it up.
Eat. Hide. Work too much. Have too much sex. Get lost in toxic relationships. Drama. People pleasing. Too much computer. Smoke. Do drugs. Drink. Find myself in my roles.
Keep numbing this pain...keep shutting it up...but you can only do it for so long, it will smother you.
It smothered me.
And Love, He found me...
No, wait.
Love, was always there, my eyes were blind, and my ears were deaf to His voice, but He was always there.
He met me in that desperation.

When love heals, sin falls off.
It literally shrivels off, because you realize you don't need it anymore.
It becomes a unwelcome friend.

And Love wants you to be only one thing... YOU.
Being 100% you, is the greatest gift you can give yourself, your marriage, your children, you friends, the world.
You..with all your dreams, desires, gifts, sense of humor...everything you are.
To be like Jesus, is to 100% you.

To try and act and be God, is NOT what He had in mind.
To be cookie cut, and the same as a 1000 other people. nope.
To be you... yes... that's exactly what He had in mind when He made you.

So, NOW when I think of those words from Jesus.. I get it.

Being perfect, and being holy means being me... whole me...
I think of a whole circle, unbroken and round and perfect.... just like Jesus was whole and perfect.
He was 100% Himself, and completely confident and whole.
He didn't sin, because He didn't need to. It wasn't something He needed to do because He knew Love. He knew He was accepted and worthy of love.
Quite a different spin on those words for me from what they once were.

Love speaks to each of our hearts....

"Be holy as I am holy.
Be perfect as I am perfect.
Because when you are WHOLE and WHOLLY you, you are the most alive and the most joyful and the most life filled, and THAT is what this world needs.
It needs YOU, wholly alive and wholly you."



  1. You dear Amy are an answer to my prayer. I love the way you explain this in a way I can understand.I have had many words telling me I need to be free but I have never understood "free from what!?!" "tell me how, what, where and I'll be there!!" "I'm ready! I just don't know what I'm being fenced in by?????" and it's SUCH a frustrating place to be. There is only so much navel gazing a girl (and those around her) can take. This post(again)really speaks to me and I thankyou for taking the time to post it.

    I'm beginning to understand the areas in which I am not alive. I've crashed and burned from my hidey-holes and those confusing thoughts that cloud my mind are coming into focus more clearly.

  2. Love how you say that, Widge... "hidey-holes" ooooh I got me some of those too! So glad we can encourage each other on this journey.. you, my friend, are a blessing to me!

    I am a HUGE Widge fan! :)


  3. Speechless and breathless as I read these words. You have touched me deep inside with such truth and sharing God's ways. I believe you are God's messenger for me as I continue to peel back the layers and reveal my open wounds. Thank you for being wholly you. Love and (((hugs)))

  4. Ah Paula.. I love that so much. Thankyou, sweetie for your words, and I am so glad once again to have a friend that has encouraged ME so much on this journey.
    I love who you are, Paula. Shine, my friend, shine! Because when you shine, God shines through you...such a sweet and simple truth.
    Hugs. Amy

  5. Free to be you. So many people squelch who they are misinterpreting character blessings they need to work on ( like Add or depression) with "sin". To me that is the real shame. I actually just think sin is simply selfishness. It is the root. Os if we are living as unselfishly as we can every day- we really have nothing to feel guilty for. Too many Christians try to be God. Perfection in christian circles has a twisted definition.
    So many broken souls trying to be someone else. It makes me so sad. Self discovery in counselling has made me completely comfortable with myself and my God ( it took years ) And I am still on a journey- it is never complete but it is full of feelings of content. I know there is more to learn but I know I will come to that point naturally if I just absolve to Live well within who I am every single day. Without speaking about God directly some people will get that I just believe. WHile others will be blinded by there rules and continual Jesus talk. Sometimes I think it actually trivializes Gods role when we do that.
    I am so glad you chose to speak up about this. Not enough people do. You are refreshing!

  6. So so true! We are taught culturally what a women does, and what a women's roles are what they are not. It's quite that freedom to realize that God made you to be you, and not anybody else. Nobody is going to wife like you, parent like you, friend like you, sister like you... you are unique and wonderfully made just the way you were supposed to be.

    Rob Bell has a thought in his book, Velvet Elvis. He was sitting in his counselor's office after he had basically had a major life/nervous breakdown... venting and ranting, he said, to his counselor. And once he had taken a breath, and looked at his counselor, the man said, " Your number one mission in life is to become the man God created you to be...everything outside that is sin."
    I read that, and selfish.. I don't know if I agree with that. But as I broke it apart, I totally get what the counselor was saying. Jesus came to set us free...he quoted Isaiah Himself and said he came to bind up the broken hearted, to bring freedom to the set us free. Anything outside of THAT is sin, because what we become is what people say we are, and what my culture says I am. Being a God pleaser, is to be the person I was always destined to be...not what man intended me to be.

    Really appreciate your thoughts here, K! Counseling saved my life! It was a HUGE instrument in my wholeness as well! I tell everybody, as some point in your life you have to deal with all the things that hurt you in your past, that are still affecting you in the today. We all have to! :) hugs.

  7. cheering with you dear friend! what a beautifully healing dose of TRUTH! how refreshing you are!

    i so love that you see words as i see them...

    you be holy
    be wholly, you

    please keep seeking and writing and being and becoming...

    sending love. <3