Monday, January 31, 2011

Yahweh

Read this today on a friends' blog today, thankyou Rain for this quote...

I have always loved speaking the name Yahweh.. still to this day when I speak it, it just soothes my soul.

Such a profound nugget of wisdom on the name.

“The letters of the name of God in Hebrew… are infrequently pronounced Yahweh. But in truth they are unutterable….

This word {YHWY} is the sound of breathing.

The holiest name in the world, the Name of Creator, is the sound of your own breathing. That these letters are unpronounceable is no accident. Just as it is no accident that they are also the root letters of the Hebrew verb ‘to be’… God’s name is name of Being itself.

~Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I am

Ever rediscover a song that you had heard years ago, and hear it years later, and it speaks to you in a waaaaay different way??

Welp.. this song by Bebo Norman blew my socks off yesterday... I can't stop listening to it!

It's called I am... o my gosh!

It speaks directly to my heart and my situation.
It resonates completely different today then it did years ago.

I found this video..it's kind of hokey...but listen to the words and read along with the lyrics.

I pray it encourages your heart today, wherever you are in your life journey.

:)

"When you cannot stand... I am."





Come along, I'll walk you through the world
And we will sing a different song
All along you have unfurled
But I will hold you from now on
I saw the day when you had lost your way
I saw the sun sinking low
I saw the night, remember how you cried
But don't you know you're not alone
No, you're not alone

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am

Come with me, I'll take you to the sea
And it will be all beautiful
And all the water that covers everything
Cannot compare to my love
FOr you my love

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am

WHen the light won't come
When your breath is gone
WHen your hope is done
Just look at me, look at me

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Feelings

Feelings.

Nothing more then feelings....

Feelingsssss.....

whoa whoa whoa....

Feelings...

Whoa WHOA WHOA....

Feeeeeelingsssss....

:)

sigh.

Feeling of the day: sadness and loss.

Trying to welcome it today.
To feel it today.
To just be.

Hiding, disconnecting, numbing is the name of the game tho... it's automatic for me.

"What... what is that knocking at my door??"
I peak through a crack...
GASP.... it's sadness...

SLAM!



But today I opened the door.
Come on in.
As silly as this sounds, this is where I am right now in this space of my life.

I am sitting with sadness, and I asked it, " Why? Why are you here? Why are you sad?"

"Loss", it says.
"Grieving", it says.

It turns and asks me a question...
"Amy, when were you last really, genuinely happy?
When did you have joy overflowing in you?"

I can't remember.

I don't know.




So today I am taking time to choose life.
I am choosing to not shut down feelings and emotions.
I am choosing to feel them today.
It's hard.
It's everything in me to not open up that door, grab sadness by the neck and toss it outside.
I do that by keeping my mind distracted with noise.
I do it by eating.
I do it by keeping myself busy.

But today, I want to choose differently.
I want to choose to sit with it today, to slow my pace down, to have a cup of tea with it (love that from my friend Cat.)
Just be, and resist the urge to shut it down.

Funny thing is, as I sit here and take the time to feel it and listen to it..
Me, God and this sadness..
I listen to it, and realize it's been here for a very long time.
Just waiting.
Wanting...no needing to be heard.
To be felt and validated.

It's a deep sorrow.
It's an ache that is rooted deep.

It speaks of lost dreams, and unmet expectations.
Expectations of myself and of others.

It speaks of relationships that will never be what I would hope them to be.

It speaks of a deep down regret of all the years I have been asleep and hiding from my life.
This life.
The only one that I get.
Time that is forever lost.

It speaks of how I have let people dictate who I am, and what I do.

I hope I am not here for long... I can feel myself squirm, and shift as I sit here.
It's really uncomfortable, but I don't want to miss this moment.
Of feeling the sorrow.
Of grieving those things, years, people, relationships that are lost.
Of letting it go.
Of forgiving myself.
And of standing up, and walking forward.

So, I think I will take the time to be here with this sadness... not hurry it, as hard as this is.
It's going to be worth it.
For freedom's sake...for life's sake.

Feelings.



Amy

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Vulnerability

Vulerability.

We fear it in our culture.
We numb it constantly.
But to truly find freedom, we have to start with taking a chance and stepping towards it.
We are created to feel.
We are created for true, real, raw, transparent relationship with God and with each other.
To love is to be vulnerable.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Things I know.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday on my morning walk on Doubt.

The speaker was expressing how the more he seems to study the Bible, the more He doesn't see it clearly.
And the more he knows God's heart, the less black and white life is.. and the more grey areas there are.

I chuckled to myself...
Oh boy, I so get that.

I had always been taught that as I grew in my relationship with God, and as I studied the Bible, everything would get clearer and more black and white..

I too, have found the opposite to be true.

So many things that I was so completely sure about, I am not.
And the things I was NOT sure about, I am.

Alot more these days remain a question in my head... a mystery.
But we seem to be the only generation in history that has to have it all figured out.
We seem to be the generation that has or needs to have an explanation for everything that happens.
Every other generation actually took the whole, " God is just mysterious." statement and believed it.
It was just something that people excepted.
God is mysterious.
This life is mysterious.
We cannot understand and wrap our heads around everything that happens.
There is not an explanation for everything.


Anyways, it got me thinking....

What do I know for sure?

Not alot!

Just as a disclaimer... I have a bunch of scriptures for what I am going to share, but just didn't feel like posting them all.. lol!
Sometimes that can be helpful, but sometimes it can be really annoying.
So if you would like to talk about any of these thoughts, or would like to have scripture references, I don't mind sharing those with you! :)


This is what I know:

~ I know that God is my Father.

If there is one thing that Jesus came to do it was to set the record straight on a ton of areas.
One of the areas He pounds on constantly is the question of, "What is God like?"

"Others may have said all of tthese things about who God is... but I am the ONLY one that has ever known Him. No body has known Him but Me, the Son... not the prophets, not David, not Samuel, not ANYBODY... Only the Son knows Him.
And I am here to tell you that God IS Father. period.
You want to know what He is like, then look at Me."

(my paraphrase)


~ I know that God is love.
Every motivation of God's heart is love.
It's who He is.
Of all the mysteries of Him, this is one thing you can always count on.
He IS love.
He does not rule with an iron fist.
He does not rule with FEAR...(this is a big one for us religious folk)
He does not rule in a performance driven way. (this means a lot...oh my gosh.. this means that nothing I DO or don't DO earns His love....HUGE!)
He IS love.


~ I know that He loves me, and every person on this planet that ever was and that ever will be.

I am not talking about pansy love here.. I am talking about ferocious, all enveloping, passionate love. He is crazy about you and crazy about me kinda love. Can't wait to see you kind of love.


~ I know there is one commandment...one law.... The law of LOVE.

As passionate as He loves me, He shows me and teaches me how to love through His everyday, never changing love for me.
And He asks me to let that love overflow on to the people around me.
Everybody!
God doesn't pick and choose who He loves...
He just loves people.
All people.
His love isn't conditional...it's quite the opposite.
And He asks me to be like Him.
The question that I hear in my heart all the time is,


"Amy will you love My family...your family?
Will you not worry about their "stuff", their lifestyles, the condition of their hearts,
and just love them?"

~I know that I am created...designed to draw life from those things that God actually created me to draw life from.

~ I know that I am created for relationship.
Relationship with God and relationship with people.

This whole area I see this so differently then I ever have before.
I am not talking about the passive listening to one man at the front on a platform, while I sit diagonal to my brothers and sisters kind of thing.
I am sorry guys, that is not relationship.
I am talking relationship, community kind of thing.
Community meaning people that I connect with in a natural and organic way.
Heart connections...not forced connections.

Life giving relationships that are not toxic or forced.


~ I know that Christ is the Word of God. That when God the Father spoke the world, the universe into being, man into being, He was speaking Jesus into every single living organism.

My new perspective is no longer where Jesus is NOT... it is seeing where He is already.
He is in everything.
He is the glue that holds all matter together...including me..including you.
So I don't bring Jesus anywhere, my job is to see where He is already. ;)

That's all I know.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Moments.

Oh wow.

"Moments.
Moments, this is all we have.
Microscopic
Fleeting moments.

How many moments of my life have I had my eyes wide open?
But I've been rushing, racing, sleeping right through?"

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Seasons.


Seasons.

Loved this beautiful reminder today.
In a season where death seems to come, new life is brewing way deep underneath.
Sing Winter.
Sing over me.
Cover me in white love, a joy you lost but now you found. :)

Enjoy!


Sing Winter

Hear the snowflakes falling, winter's calling my name.
The silent song she's singing, what's she trying to say

Can I fall like glory, to wash your year away
All that remains was, really meant to stay

Come and clothe me winter, I really need a change
With silent redemption, cover me in grace

Hear the song of beauty, melodies and sounds
Cover you in white love, a joy you lost but now you found

Sing, sing, winter, sing me your silent song.